One of the things that came up was perspective. I mentioned something about how having a different perspective makes all the difference in the world when going into a situation that you're not looking forward to. I made a comment about how I choose to go into a situation with a committment to looking for positives rather than confirmations of the negatives that I'm expecting or planning for. I told her that it really changes my experience. This didn't make much sense to her. Oh well.
She said the only changes she has seen in me are for the negative. Perspective at work.
OM was never a factor. The fantasy was and still is. I believe this continues to drive her, give her reason to want to walk. Why would she continue to test me, to look at me. I told her at one point that she knows how I feel about her to which she responded that she doesn't, she knows what I pretend to feel for her. She said that IF I loved her, she would feel it.
I told her I couldn't MAKE her feel anything, it's impossible to romance someone that's not cooperating in it. She totally disagreed with this. She doesn't see how her perspective is at odds with her feeling loved. She's so fixated on my failure to make her happy that she's oblivious to all that I do.
She commented that I do things so that I feel good about myself, it's not for her. Not out of love, but for self-gratification. She told me that reading books is not therapy, it's self-indulgence. She told me that I'm pretending to love her, pretending enough to fool myself, to make myself believe it. She told me that I'm so passive-aggressive and controlling that I make her pay for all her non-compliance. She told me she lives in a dictatorship.
I told her to come over here and give me a hug. She didn't. I said "some dictatorship" to which she responded that she was sure she would be paying for it in the future.
How do you change someone's mistaken opinion about you when it's functional to hold the beliefs that they do? Don't try, just be you. Getting locked in a struggle does nothing but reinforce these beleifs.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
