Other Woman's Perspective

[MuddleThrough]

I think the thing to remember is that this site is about saving marriages. It's not a victim's support group. While we are victims, we are empowering ourselves to work through this and learn about our contribution to the erosion of our marriage. If we cling to this victimhood, then we choose not to heal personally and we choose not to truly heal our marriage. This woman offers another perspective, something that as the potential to give us insight into what the WAS is walking TOWARDS. Yes, we're all hurt and angry to some degree, but if this is what we focus on, we've missed the point, we're indulging in our feelings. We are victimizing ourselves and this poster gave us an opportunity to lash out with all this pent up aggression that we use against ourselves.

Here's an opportunity to see someone that we could easily blame for all of OUR problems and absolve ourselves of responsibility for having any part in them OR we could see the PERSON here. This is a person, just as we are. She's making mistakes, as we do. She's not a "bad" person just as we are not "good" simply because of the circumstances. We would do well to take a good look at our response to this poster in order to learn more about how we judge each other and ourselves. There is something to be learned here, and too many of us are throwing stones because we don't like what she represents.

There is a reciprocal relationship between the way you view others and the way you view yourself. Whenever you devalue another person because of what they have done, you acknowledge that YOUR value is contingent on something, actions, wealth, knowledge, etc. It's not. In the same way I ask you not to make your sympathy and understanding contingent on another person's actions, but rather on your own capacity for love.

This woman posted here for her own personal reasons. Maybe she wanted to help us out, maybe she wanted to absolve herself of guilt and blame, maybe she wanted all of us to just let go and further the erosion of the institution of marriage. Who knows? Whatever we read into her motives are our own projections. Sure, we see evidence and clues, but we're putting together a picture based on this evidence for our own personal reasons. Let's choose to heal, to forgive and to see the positive (perfect forum for practicing PMA!) rather than exercising hatred and blaming someone else for the ways in which we victimize ourselves.