Here are two rules of thumb that most counselors/therapists will tell you about dealing with affairs.
If you had an affair with someone and still maintain contact "as friends" it hasn't really ended. No spouse can ever really trust you with that kind of a friendship. No therapist would ever suggest you stay in contact with that person.
You must apologize to your spouse for the affair.
You said you don't regret the affair and you won't break contact with the other man.
As long as these two things are true, most likely, your marriage can't work, not because of your husband's lethargy, but because of you. He hasn't been given the chance to change, because he doesn't know the truth.
The truth is, you don't want to save the marriage. You probably didn't 2-3 years ago when you came on this forum, and you don't now.
Maybe admitting that to yourself. Maybe admitting your culpability will move things in a more open and honest direction.
Pretending you want your husband to change and you want the marriage to work is not helping you either.
