I know, I could not believe this myself. I am sad for them and looking at my situation, I am sad for myself. The thing is, these women have accepted this and moved on. They both held on for years trying to do the right thing.
I suspect that they were not using DB techniques per se. They begged, pleaded, cried, followed and snooped. All of that turned away the walk away. This went on for years.
Then, one day they snapped out of it. It seems around the time that the MLCer was starting to want to come home but they could not figure how best to tell the LBS, my friends exactly what went on. Neither man got counseling. My younger friend and her H did go twice but he never wanted to go back.
I told this story to show that they do always want to come home. Sometimes too much damage has been done for the LBS to be able to accept them but they seem to ALWAYS want to come home. Both in this case seemed to go through MLC for some time about 5-8 years. Counseling would have helped these two men as their mothers were enablers and their wives were to a certain extent as well.
If you have read this, do not be discouraged. Put it in your mental file so that you can take note of what is happening in your sitch and make decisions that work for you. The MLC person always does, even it if it comes crashing down around them.
Please note also, my friends are doing well. They have wonderful support networks, great children who love them, they travel, own homes and condos and cars. Both have gotten degrees in fields that they love and they do extensive community work. Thire lives are full. My younger friend says that she is disappointed that this is not working out but she is okay with moving on as she says that she stayed unhappy too long already in her life so it is time to move on.
My older friend says that she cannot forgive her H to the extent that she wants him in her life, she is enjoying herself and has not time to enter back into his drama . She says, I AM FREE.
