Hey sorry I haven't replied when you needed someone. Actually this morning my H called it was my birthday and invited me to breakfast 60 miles away but I went. He was very complimentary about me loosing weight and having my hair done different that it made me look younger. I don't know if he was just being nice or met it. But I took it as compliment. What I'm getting to is that it is very hard to think that they have someone else to go talk to and see. But today for the first time since November for me that I had a calm feeling and just visited with him and joked a little . I didn't ask him about her except he had a new shirt that was little different than he used to wear and he avoided answering it so I know she gave it to him. When he left (he was leaving on a business trip) he gave me a kiss and then said hey come here give me another? Go Figure!!!!! He ask if I wanted to go buy something for my birthday because he hadn't gotten any thing but I said I would like to go get some clothes that fit ( i have lost quite a few lbs since Nov)of course that saved him from shopping but after he left I went shopping by myself and believe it or not I had a great time. I'm telling you this because, I like you, have just beat my self up and finally realized the only one I can control and change is ME...so I have tried really hard to work on me. I also had lost some of the independency that I had with my friends and they are good about inviting me but I had declined to wait and see what he was going to do and if he would want me to go. Now I'm trying very hard if I want to go ,I go do things a little at a time. We are also in a business to gether where I'm basically in charge of the whole deal while he is helping with a family business with his brothers because of a family accident that has also been hard on us that is where she stepped into our picture. The old support from some else then family and she knows are family. SO I also let some of our business and personal books go but had to keep up the part with the animals because they are counting on me. My full time job also has suffered alittle but I can see where I am getting ahold of my self. I know if I can do it, you can because you are a stong person. You just have to take a deep breathe and go on. Your friends will be there for you. I went on Wellbrutin for a while to help with the anxiety of it all and it did help.
My H does the same thing talking about the future of the business and so I know how hard it is to comprehend if they are meaning it or not. But you have to look out for you too and just think will this better us and me too. I would keep my thoughts to myself and it doesn't hurt to have a plan for yourself just in case. I have thought about this a lot.
You are not alone about crying in the shower. I do it too.
Try not to worry to much about him not talking to you. I think they don't want the to get into a debate or argument or they feel a little guilty about what is going on. You can't change him but just start being more of yourself and he will notice the change and who knows he might just start coming and saying something. Every little thing that you can change in front of him or on the phone he will start to notice just like my H did today. But you are making the change for YOU and not just for him. It is to make you feel better about yourself. My thoughts for me today, are did my H mean what he said or not. I guess I mean did we make progress or was he just being nice since it was my birthday. I also had the bad thoughts that did he call her as soon as he left me. Those are the thoughts that like you I fight. Remember when I said "GOd you got to hand this thought. I don't want to" It at least made me think someone else had and I could think POSITIVE thoughts. You have had those same thoughts when he called you honey. We have to hold on to that thought but not get to excited. small steps. I am lucky this week because my youngest son is home for a few days from college. That is really nice and fun for me.
It is a roller coaster ride. You are strong and you are going to make it no matter what. The people here are so supportive. Get some rest and Exercise takes away the tension even if it is just a walk around the job site when you get to feeling up tight. Call a friend and go to lunch while he still working. BE independent. It is hard to find the real you and get it back I know I'm trying to find it. It is amazing you can let your self fall down that deep black whole and not realize it. You hang in there. We are all here for you. Well it is 1:30 in the morning I couldn't sleep so I better get some sleep myself. Good Luck and REmember Patience and I CAN MAKE IT.
