Today has been a little rockier for me. No change in current sitch with H...very little contact this week as he's been preparing for his riding trip with his dad and brothers starting tomorrow.
This afternoon, I found out he will be driving his car separately and going on from the riding trip to do some work for his company (the dreaded work trip that has been put off since September)...starting in the general area of OW2 and finishing in OW1's town. I have to say, this really threw me for a loop for an hour or so. Especially in light of the strange phone call on Friday. Thankfully for me, H left with D5 and S2 for a little while, which gave me time to go over and over my 'replacement thoughts' OUT LOUD while I did dishes. I felt much better when I finished. Good thing D1 was the only person around...she won't think I'm nuts!
I have been thinking a bit about what I really want in my M, and need to let those thoughts simmer a bit and get them posted here so they can be more concrete and possibly broken down into realistic steps. Naturally, I considered the fact that H may never want more than what we have now--it's a pretty convenient setup for him. Trying not to dwell on that case scenario. I want and need SO MUCH MORE. I need to be sure I'm focusing on what I want rather than what I don't want.
We had about two hours to spend together tonight...watched our 'show' and then he helped me hang my new mirror. I asked how long he's planning for his work trip, he said 4-5 days and then H said, "So, are you going to buy a ticket and fly down to babysit me?" to which I replied, "I have no desire to be your babysitter. If you want me to come and have some fun with you, I'd be happy to." No real reply from him. Not sure what I'm supposed to do with that, so I'll let it go unless he brings it up again.
He volunteered a quick "love you" as he walked out the door.
