I don't know about not messing up so bad that he can't come home... He told me the other day that we would have to stay together for the next 3 months or so anyway to get our current real estate project done. So maybe he's just waiting until that is finished before stirring anything up... Again, he wants me to contribute all I am to our business and suffer for 3 months while he is off galavanting with someone else. That makes me feel wonderful, let me tell you. And I don't think he WANTS to separate the assets, even if we don't stay together, because he somehow wants to keep our business alive even if we're not together...
Don't over analyze this....he will say things he doesn't mean...
As for her being carefree and not caring that he is married...well right now she doesn't...she has him...but as time goes by and he starts seeing your changes...if he starts spending more time with you...she will start the guilt process with him...remind him of the sweet things he told her...how he made her promises...whatever...it will happen...
Like I told my H...it was easy for his OW to be understanding and supportive because she was NOT LIVING MY LIFE!...she didn't have the mortgage to worry about...she didn't depend on him to support her children...he wasn't working and was going through out savings...she wasn't seeing her life go down the drain...she was having a happy go lucky affair with a married man...dreaming that this guy would sweep her off of her feet and take her away from her miserable 2nd or 3rd marriage....HA!...I don't know if he ever got to the point of seeing her for what she was but when his money ran out and he couldn't go see her when she wanted...in just a few months she had another man taking her to Disneyland...near where H lived...she called to tell him she was going there and he thought he would get to see her...then she dropped her bomb...she wasn't going alone!!!
Give it time...work on you...I am not a super woman...I did what I had to do for my family...believe me I didn't think I was going to make it...I felt weak...when people would tell me that I would be stronger because of this I didn't believe them...when they said I would be ok I didn't always believe I would be...but in the end...and looking back I did it...I am stronger...I have been able to stand up for myself to H where before I didn't because I was affraid...that is why he is now recovering from alcoholism...I put my foot down...and he knew I was serious and didn't want to lose his family...
You did good today...you haven't questioned him or followed him around....
I just really hope that you finally in your mind get the whole parent trip settled...that will be your biggest trial...and I know what you have to do...it is up to you to see what I am seeing....again, DON'T GO!....this will really show H how good you are doing to detach(although he doesn't know that term)...and give him space...and be independant...he needs to see you do this...trust me
