For what it is worth I think he avoids saying good bye to avoid the possibility of questions from you....
So this is where you NEED TO PREPARE...if he does come in and say good bye...view this as a test....look up, smile, and say goodbye....have a nice evening, day, whatever....then go back to your work like he was already gone...see how this will begin to take the pressure off???
Remember it was just a few days ago that you had a total melt down on him...this creates extreme guilt in him....guilt is something he is trying to avoid...that is why it is important that you be strong...don't add guilt...eventually that will be OW's role...she won't know about DB'ing and she will blow it...see how this all comes back around???
You can do this for as long as you want H back....but you take it one day at a time...sometimes a few hours at a time...believe me I didn't think I would survive a month....then when that passed I thought for sure I would not make it another...finally I started viewing my months as accomplishments...I would look back and see how I had changed...what I had done...how good I was doing...it took the focus off of the pain...
I had my moments...usually alone in my room....where I had to let out my grief....because I didn't know if H was ever coming home....he had given me nothing to hope for....yet I had hope because of what I had read and been told...
I know you are tired of crying, tired of missing him, tired of being alone....so what do you do???....You start filling your time with things that are good for you....call a friend...go to a movie...treat yourself to a pedicure....set your goal and when you reach it do something special just for YOU....
You have not messed up so bad he can't come home...if that was the case he would be asking for a D...he would be separating the assets...he is being still...watching...and the best thing...reallly the only thing you can do is to keep focus...keep getting stronger....keep examining who you are....and stop questioning him....
When things get to the point where you see progress...accept it...but don't go back to where you were...you must come to deal with your need to question and be right...that part of you must go forever...whether H returns or not...this is something that is not attractive to anyone...it only serves to frustrate others and drive them away....you don't want to be that person anymore...so focus on who you want to be...visualize yourself as a calm women, patient, accepting that other may not agree with you, learning that you don't have to prove your point....if you know your right...well that is all the matters...you don't have convince anyone else...why????...Because you are happy with who you are....
It will get better...make sure you are getting rest, eating healthy....B vitamins would help your nerves too....get some excercise...and watch them bugs
