Journey of a Happy Heart 2

[I_Still_Love_Him]

((((Nicola)))),
I am so glad to hear everyone is okay. You tried to console him and tried to let him know that everything would be okay but of course, his reaction to you is how he feels about himself. Your H is feeling really bad and feels like he screwed up again. You did nothing wrong.

I am worried that once it is over with, he will want to go ahead with a D.

As you've told me, you do not know that he will file. If he does, the D paper changes your marital status but doesn't really change anything else. The situation may change if YOU choose to change it. For me, if H does serve me with the D papers, it will not change anything. We are not even D and he already doesn't want to talk to me so being D will mean much of the same thing. I will still send him a Christmas card and a birthday card regardless if we are separated or divorced. We all have our limits and when we reach it, we will know.

As for the kids, it is hard trying to figure out just what is the right thing to do. When my boys were younger, I would include them in the decision-making. I found that when they were younger, they didn't want to be going back and forth constantly throughout the week and came to resent me. I thought they wanted to spend more time with their Dad but it was taking time away from their friends. They were happier going to their Dad's every other weekend and spending one other night (not sleepover). They started looking forward to spending time with their Dad.

Do what you feel your kids are happy with. If it means you see more of your H, it also means he will be seeing more of you too. Not necessarily a bad thing.

Hope you enjoy the potluck tonight.

Hugs,
ISLH