I don't really post here any more. I am past the need to for myself and I know the new posters, who are in so much pain, have many people here to support and advise them. There are also so few people posting now whom I feel I know. But you are one of those and when I dropped in tonight, I felt compelled to respond to you, old friend.
I am a firm believer in "it is better to understand than to condemn" but there are some situations when it is imperative that we take a stand, and stand up for what is right. Neutrality sometimes does have to be abandoned and appeasement can unfortunately be construed as weakness by those who do not wish for an outcome which benefits everybody, but merely wish to win.
Regardless of the personal histories of those involved; regardless of the pain and fear which drives them, sometimes it is necessary to make that stand. As you are doing.
Devoted parents know instinctively that this becomes necessary when their children are being negatively affected, and used as pawns in a power play.
No one is a more devoted parent than you, dear Laughing, and I applaud the stand you are taking. And of course you understand that often, battles are won by strategy rather than instinctive and immediate action. So I am so pleased to read that you are equipping yourself for the fight with evidence, witnesses and all the support you can muster.
You are a tigress fighting for her cubs. I would be just the same.
And of course, fighting does not mean that you declare war on your xh, even if he has done so to you. Knowing you as I do, I know you will keep on slowly but surely advancing towards your goal of protecting your children, without seeking to hurt your xh any more than is necessary to achieve that goal.
And I do think that your xh too will ultimately benefit from learning the lesson that he is wrong to use the children in this way.
Do you know John Bunyan's hymn, "To be a pilgrim?" It came into my mind tonight when I read this thread, along with "Fight the good fight, with all your might." I googled it! And here is a fragment:
"Who would true valour see, Let him come hither; One here will constant be, Come wind, come weather."
Valour and constancy - just 2 of your attributes.
Thinking of you, all blessings to you and the children
Jaybeexxxx (been a while since I typed that!)
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
