What you say is very true, as I am trying to protect the children from the emotional abuse. Xh is in a very bad place, and now is manipulating the children, and causing them harm. This is what I am trying to prevent. He is zapping their control away and their emotional well being while having converstations with both the children that he has no right to bring them into. I'm sure he is unaware of the level of harm he is creating at this time. My D, now 14, 5'8" is down to 103 pounds, my S15 is struggling too, yet he is burying his emotions and loosing trust, while exhibiting an negative attitude, trying to make sense of it all, as I have now had it confirmed by not only friends, but their teachers too, so, it's just not me feeling they need to be protected. They are both hurting because of his what he is doing now, as he grasps for control.
I do understand what he is doing, I obviously can't tell him what I think, or ask him to get help, so right now, my only way of helping my children, is to have him back out, until he comes to terms with what is going on inside of him. It has come to a point where he is causing more pain than the love he brings. In the past 4 years, I have encouraged his visitation, but since his accident, the passing of his sister and his marriage 3 days after her funeral, he's been stepping way out of bounds, and inflicting a great deal of emotional pain for the children.
When he gets past this point, and can return to being a better Father, I will, once again, welcome his visits.
Does this make any sense? Right now, I just don't know how long it will be, and since he is further destructing, further reaching out for control, seemly refusing to look within, I need to consider that there may not be a return of healthier behavior for the time being. Right now, he's a melt down, waiting to happen, and I want to keep my children as far away as possible until it does happen. He is instantly raging now, and I know how far he will go.
Had I not received the confirmations that I had, I would say, absolutely, I need to just let it be, but just today, I've had two people confirm what they have seen in my own children, as they have the same worries that I have too. I don't think it is as much as a power/control struggle as it is a imbedded need to protect my children.
I hope this makes sense, as I believe on many levels you are right on target, and I'm not trying to poo poo anything you have written. I just think I've come to a level I must intervene for the safety of my children.
Okay?
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
