So, not much to report. Thanks to those who stopped by at the end of my last thread, where nothing much was happening either, except a slight warming-up of H.
I think that may be due to the fact that he thought I was dating. I'm pretty sure about this b/c he suddenly warmed up when I mentioned that I had gone to the ballet with my mother. Who knows...
In breaking news, I am working hard at marking papers, and we haven't even done midterm exams yet. Still, there's a lot to do, and I've got quite a bit done today, but lots more to get done for tomorrow. And I volunteered to help out at church tonight and can't get out of it. ARGH!
Anyway, other than that, I'm feeling quite unhappy today, but I think I know why:
(1) H has his sentencing next Monday, so that is hanging over my head, and his.
(2) I had to talk about the kids' schedules with him, and that always upsets me b/c it just serves to remind me that we are no longer an intact family. It is so hard to talk about visitation calmly, which I did, but it still hurt.
Regarding (1): I am not really worried that he will get a criminal record, though if he does it will be really bad news. I am worried that once it is over with, he will want to go ahead with a D. On a positive note, once it is over with, he may feel free to re-engage in our R.
Re. (2): I am finding Monday mornings really hard b/c the kids usually come home around 8:15 and D10 starts school at 9. She is not so bad, and the school is right next door, but I have a heck of a time getting S5 to leave for daycare, since he only just got home. I start work at 10, so it ends up being a mad rush. I had wanted H to drop S5 off at daycare on Mondays starting tomorrow, but then I won't see my little guy for such a long time, and I know he won't like it.
What we've decided to do for now is that the kids will sleep here tonight. H is thinking of some other ideas, and suggested that maybe he could have each of the kids one evening on alternate weeks. This actually sounds like a good idea for the children b/c they would each get one-on-one time w/ each of us. Bad side is that then I will have to see H even more often, which makes is so hard to detach. Also, he has a bad habit of keeping the munchkins out too late. Maybe he could pick one up at 3 on Sat and the other at 6.
Crap this is hard, esp when you want to do right by your kids.
Anyway, as I said above, whenever we talk about visitation (though not in those words), it really hurts me b/c I just imagine this as being forever, bleh.
Well, enough of that. I have to cook for the potluck and get some more marking done!
N
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
