From a M POV I'll tell you that his bitching stems from his own inadequacies and insecurities. I did the same thing for a long time. I bitched that my w was lazy, she didn't clean, she was selfish and didn't care about the family. It took a year of the most awful arguments and revengeful acts on both our parts for me to realize, "hey I have a big part to play with this."
I worked 13 hours a day and I would resent my wife because she'd be at home doing nothing. Really, it was my own feelings of not being happy with my job and holding everything in. The truth is that my wife had it worse because she was lonley and sad and had no one to talk to. In fact my pussy ass ran at the mouth to anyone that would care about her in order for them to feel sorry for me.
What my wife did for us and helping me bring my feelings to the surface has made me respect her more than anyone I know. My feelings have been held back for so long and it feels so much better to start letting them out. Once they're let out they don't feeling so daunting. I hope this helps because hearing what your H says hit a nerve and further helps me realize just how far along I've come along.
