I'm sorry I haven't caught up with you for a while. I've just spent an hour reading through your posts since you started posting again in Pieceing and subsequently Infidelity and I have to say you are a very lucky girl to have InLim and 1210 etc on your side. You are getting the very best advice.
You know, I'm the same age as you and I started posting on the Infidelity board 2 years ago. I was you. It almost breaks my heart to read your posts because I remember how raw and bitter that pain is that you are going through now and I remember desperately needing/clinging/absobing any hope that I could through the kind assurances of others posting here.
Like you I was professionally at the top of my field. I had rarely failed at anything, I got everything I wanted, my life was perfect - then my world fell apart - because my husband chose to be with someone else.
There were lots of reasons, some that I blamed on myself, some that were about him, as we had thrived professionally, we grew apart emotionally and I guess physically. I knew it wasn't perfect, but it was good enough. I thought.
Two years, lots of medicine, loads of counselling, some wonderful support from family and friends and I am a different woman today. I'm a grown up who takes responsibility for her own happiness, who takes pleasure in her own company, who has a set of interests outside of work and a range of friendships independent from career and family. I don't need anyone to tell me if I'm making the right decision any more and I don't need anyones reassurance when I do decide something.
The pain that you are experiencing now is necessary for your growth. Scream at it, hate it, hide from it as much as you like, but live through it. It isn't going to kill you. It's unpleasant as hell, but it is making you into a woman who will never have to go through something this painful ever, ever again.
As you already know, there are no quick fixes for this. You H has to go through his crisis and you have to go through it too. There is no going back now -
Tam, it doesn't matter what happens with the business this week or this month or even probably for the next 6 or 12 months - this is a long journey of personal growth and change - and the universe never sends us anything we can't handle. Remember that.
I'll respond to your more specific posts over the next days and weeks, but I just wanted to say, in general terms, that as brutal as this feels right now you are going to be OK.
You have a lot of hope for your marriage. I suspect ultimately it will be up to you to chose if you want it or not. You might surprise yoruself and not want it when he gets through whatever it is he's going through. Keep your options open and be open to the lessons you are learning.
You are going to be fine.
I'm so pleased that you have experienced DBers giving you firm and kind advice. Trust that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be ...
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
