Consider what happens if you want to be on high road, but tell him you know all about his stupid behavior, OW, and have been talking to your own L.
Here is what it will look like. Remember those drills in school from the 60's. The ones in black and white movies where the kids all get on the floor with their heads between their knees as the bit shiny mushroom cloud gets bigger and bigger?
Do not play all your cards.
Give him rope. Give him a chance to fess up. Give him time to think about what he is considering doing. Hey, what if you find out it was for a surprise in the family and not a used car for OW, or her new boobs? He may not be filing. He needs to be the one to step up to telling you what is up.
Do you normally see a printed bank statement, how often, when is next one due? How long can you pretend all is ok? The more ok you make things seem, the harder it should be for him to make any move. He is not the guy you M and he is not himself. He is addicted now to something he can't control. An A with younger OW at a time in life when a man is feeling like he has one foot in the grave is horrible. He will destroy all he loves in the illusion that he is falling head over heals in love with someone else.
Give yourself some time to be the silent observer. Stay on the high road and you will never have any regret. If you decide you have to discuss M, you may find it impossible to control emotions and then before you know it, head between the knees time.
Take a great deal of time to read the posts here, contact Jack3Beans. Understand that at some point he was strong enough to take a stand, and stop the initial acts of begging. If you talk, be calm, in control, in the driver's seat. Be the one to calmly say you believe the M to be worth saving and standing for. Be ready to say if he wants out, he must do his own leg work. You will not fight him, but will not help him.
He should know that whatever he is going through is not worth ending the M, and will statistically fail him in the end. If he is considering ending his second M, he has no idea how few third M work. He will not respond to such logical talks, if he is focused on having this OW.
If your M is going to be in trouble, talking to him about it is not likely to alter anything. Do not be too quick to do it.
