Again, thank you so very much for your support and encouragement. I am feeling a bit better today but am still having my "moments." One minute this literal wave of despair takes over my whole body - my heart races and I feel horrible. The next minute I get back some confidence and keep telling myself just to hold on, that this is worth the fight...
I haven't see H any more today and know I won't know - it's too late in the day now. So I guess that's good, but I know you know that I feel horrible not seeing him, especially when I assume he's with OW. It makes me feel so bad, because from what I remember (it's been so long now that it's hard to even remember how things used to be), but we would almost always work pretty late, even on the weekend nights, and we'd just see each other at home late in the evening. Now that he's with OW, it seems that he miraculously has found time to get away from the job site to spend evenings at a reasonable hour with her. I guess that just goes to show you how much happier she makes him right now and that I really have my work cut out for me. The good thing is that I know that if - I mean WHEN I win him back that he CAN break away from our job to spend more time with me. I will definitely remember that...
Yes, the phone calls are so hard. It seems like every time he calls I jump through hoops just to make sure I can answer his calls. I will work on that and let it got to voicemail more and will work on not calling him as much - period. Yes, it is very, very hard.
Parents' house - the difficulty with this is that his parents have been waiting for 2 years now for us to visit them in their "new" second home. We have not been yet, and they were so absolutely excited to hear that we were going to make the trip to see them. Although I know they will understand, it will totally and completely break their hearts if we/he/me don't go. His family has been so very patient with us the last several years with all of the long hours we have been working and the lack of "family time" we've put in. His family is really, really close. I do not want to be the one to break their hearts because "another work thing" has come up once again that is taking us away from seeing them. I hope that explanation helps to shed some light on a bit of why I'm having a hard time with this one...
I did not get a chance to talk to Jody about his, unfortunately. It was on my list, but we just ran out of time...
So my plan at this point is to give it a few days into next week and see if he has brought it up. If not, I'll decide the best way to approach him about it. If he says he/we/me aren't going, then I'm going to ask HIM to call his parents and let them know. Let him be the one to deal with it - it's his bed he's made. I'm not trying to be mean to him, but the more I deal with the fallout that his betrayal is causing, the eaiser it is for him to keep doing it, right?
I am still planning on going to Vegas. That feels so far into the future right now, even though it's not. I'm actually looking forward to it very much.
Again, thank you for your support. Hopefully the "waves" of despair will lessen as time goes on... and as I work on finding ME again.
