"...but like I said some college friends are considered "family" in the context of how close they are...."
All I can say to that is that if the OM is the kind of "family" that husband's brother and wife want to keep then they aren't really family that we want to be close to anymore.
It's not like I made this decision. I talked with him about it. Told him that he could still have a relationship w/ his brother. I could just not see, talk to, do things with them. He didn't want that. I felt like that was very supportive of my husband to take that stand on his own. He's not an overly emotional person. He's typically very rational. If this is how he feels then I know he didn't just jump to this conclusion as a knee jerk re-action. I know him well enough to be sure of that.
"At this point I think it wise for you and H to focus on each other and fixing what was broke...you are very fortunate to have a H that is willing to work on forgiveness so easily with you..."
I'm very aware that I don't deserve another shot with my husband. I'm aware that I don't deserve him at all. I expected him to leave me when he found out, and I wouldn't have blamed him at all. It's the oworst thing I've ever done in my life, and it hurt the one person that truely loves me. That kills me to know that about myself. We are focusing on us and fixing things, this is a part of that. We are "cleaning up" if you will. It's just another step that he wants to take. I didn't tell them to not be friends with him. I've said that I fully expect them to stay friends with the OM, but that doesn't mean that we have to "just take it" or be ok with that decision.
"They haven't been privy to seeing the OM in the way you did....and your repeating things to them would be considered biased..."
They are well aware that he is a liar. I've had this discussion with SIL about her caling me to grip about something OM did to them. They just accept his behavior and are ok with him being a liar. They also have told me they know that he cheated on girls in college and they know he's done things before his marriage that his wife still doesn't know about (but they do!). See this is what I mean about how in the world could I fall for someone like this... oh yeah HE'S A HUGE LIAR!
"I don't think you should make family "show loyalty"....unconditional love is what needs to be shown...something that you H is willing to show you...extend that to the family as well..."
You keep saying things like this like it is my decision. It wasn't my decision to make. He's not my brother. She's not my sister. I talked to my husband about the pros/cons of this decision. This is what my husband wants.
