Well, the OM only told his wife because my husband was trying to call her to tell her about the affair himself. The OM just beat my husband to it. The OM didn't tell his wife cause he wanted to fix things with her by being honest. The OM knew ahead of time that I had already told my husband of the affair. I didn't want him to just call or show up and have my husband punch him in the face. I told the OM about it to avoid a huge confrontation. It was not necessary. He was upset that my husband knew, but he decided he still wasn't going to tell his wife. When he kept calling me is when he pissed off my husband and that's when my husband tried to call his wife to tell her about the affair.
"your SIL is correct in that he hasn't done anything to them...just as you didn't...so where is the difference???" .... "but you only have one family!!!"
That's where we dissagree. If the tables were turned and we were friends with my sis in law's OM she had an emotional affair with and we knew that our continued friendship would hurt them then my husband and I agreed that we would drop that friend. They are chosing that friend over their family. If family is so important than you stick together and support each other. By keeping the OM in the picture we felt that they would be showing who their loyalty was to and it sure as heck wasn't "family."
Not talking to his brother if he keeps OM's friendship was HUSBAND'S idea. Totally his decision.
