I haven't posted in a while, probably on the order of 6 months ago. Since then, our D was finalized (11/06) and I have attempted to GAL and move on. As I'm sure everyone on here can attest, it is the second hardest thing I have ever tried to do (M being the first). Before, I posted in the "Separated..." and "Newcomers" sections.
A basic recap though: married Dec 02, both age 23) (before my first deployment), things were fine (I thought) until I got back from my second deployment (July 05-Feb 06) and she said she wanted a D. XW gave me the ILYBNILWY speech after our first counseling session. The reasons she gave me at the time had to do more with her unhappiness at her personal situation before and during my second deployment than our actual R, I think. For example, before I left we stayed home most nights and did things around the house - she scrapbooked, I would watch TV. If we went out, it was just the two of us 99% of the time. She would go out with her friends to scrap a few times a month, but that was it. When I was gone, she became more social with friends from work and went out a lot with them. I think that she liked the single lifestyle and thought the only way she could get that was without me.
I also have some part of this story though. Right before I deployed my second time, I started to realize that we were growing apart and didn't want that. However, my only solution (since I didn't talk about this problem with anyone, including XW) was to have a kid (something that neither of us previously wanted). That really upset her, as she saw a child as ending her life as she knew it. I think the issue of kids, coupled with her newfound social life, pushed her to thinking that we couldn't stay married.
Since that dreaded day one year ago, a lot has happened between us. She moved out a month after we filed and never really contacted me. I would see her at the gym most days, or she would come over to the house to get some stuff, but that was it. No phone calls or emails unless it was directly related to something with the D. She would talk to me though if I contacted her first. However, I did some stuff that really scared her, and in early Aug 06 she finally decided that she didn't want to be married to me. She moved all of her stuff out of our house (she kept it there for us to use to sell the house, but then I decided not to sell) and finally put in a change of address form at the post office. She stopped taking my calls or responding to my emails.
Things have improved a bit since then, in that she will joke a bit if we are on the phone, but she only talks to me if it is regarding the house or taxes or something like that. I have told her that I just want to be friends, trying to start small with her, but she won't let me in at all. Last night she came over to sign some forms for our house. As she was leaving, I went out to her car to ask her a question and saw some plans on her passenger seat for a kitchen island, plus a tape measure. She had said something last week about the mortgage being in her name still (she found out through running a credit check), so I jokingly asked her if she was buying a house. Her voice dropped flat and she simply answered "No." I told her that she didn't have to tell me anything about her personal life, but I saw the plans and know that she was renting an apartment and I can put two and two together.
Anyway, I guess the point of this rambling post is that I want, and always have wanted, to be a husband to her. Maybe I haven't fully GAL (hard to b/c I work 80 hrs a week). My question is how can I start a relationship with her again, even one just talking, if she won't let me in? I realize I scared her last summer, and I have apologized profusely and repeatedly. I have also not talked to her, at her request. In the few times we have been talking the past week or so, I have seen some small positive signs (a few laughs on the phone, her avoiding making eye contact with me last night) and am taking them for what they're worth.
Can anyone help me with my sitch? I'm racking my brain trying to find out ways to just talk to her and make her comfortable enough to talk to me in return.
