I think maybe someone needs some therapy,,quickly,,before another child's life will be made very complicated by yet another divorcing couple, parents!
M44H44 M18 T22 Sep7yrs-3/10 S23,22,15,11 10/07I file 2/08D postponed by H 2/09D on 3/09H moves in 8/09I kick H out 9/09H-PA 10/09-2/10mediate 3/10OW discoved 5/10H&OW engaged 7/10DDay w/atty
I have to commend you for coming here and giving your perspective as we, the LBS's, desparately need to understand how anyone can do this to our family but...since this was done to you I would think that you have a little bit of sympathy for your boyfriends significant other and their child
If you have any integrity, get out of their lives RIGHT NOW!
The intensity is called infatuation and ALWAYS feels like you've found the one and only. In order for that intense connection to germinate and grow it takes time and watering. People aren't just knocked out of their socks one day, they see it coming and let it come! My W said "no one planned for this to happen" and I said "I guess aliens just sucked your brain out of your head and you had no choice but to cheat on me".
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Yes, it completely takes effort and time to foster an A. If anyone thinks it just happened then they are lying to themselves. My H didn't have an A with a coworker overnite. Obviously from the cell phone records, he has been in close communication with her for at least 6 months and I believe longer b/c they started working closely in the beginning of last yr. So all the times that he invested in talking to her was time taken from investing in his M and family. His sometimes called her as many as 11 times a day. That is more than I have ever spoken to him.
So there is no way that he can have equal feelings for two women. You can't play the victim of circumstance. It's a situation created out of convenience and weakness. There are no justifications for cheating on his family.
Me: 36 WAH: 35 S1: 5, S2: 3, D: 2 Married 13 yrs Bomb dropped Nov. '06 H filed D papers Feb. 1, '07 H nows says OW is GF since April '07
Lissett, I think what you just displayed is the deep hurt that A's bring to all involved. Was it nice what you said, not at all but it was real. I think your post probably did more damage to you than anyone else here. Your apology also shows your own integrity. I hope you are able to find some hope and peace in your sitch for yourself and the children you love so much. BTW Happy belated Birthday, make this a day you are going to shine!
Hey, Lissett, what you said may not have been polite, but it was the gut-wrenching pain that so many of us are feeling. In my situation, the ow is divorced from a cheating H, and now takes up with mine, and some of the things two-sidedcoin said are things I recognize as the ow saying to my H. I read all the posts here, and yours made me cry, because it is just the way I feel deep inside.
And, two-side, you really should take to heart the things you have read here, surely you don't want to ruin those lives, do you? Don't believe for one minute that that isn't going to happen if you continue along this course, because it will. My S, who knows about ow, gets so angry, and I am afraid of what this is teaching him, even though he said he would never cheat on his wife, if he ever gets one.(his words) Kids should not even have to think about this stuff, Daddy leaving or cheating on mommy are things that don't belong in a child's head. Just try to remember (if you can), how it felt to you when you found out about your H. And do what's right, and walk away from this man, and never look back.
Also, I don't know if God has any impact on how you live your life, but perhaps you should look at things from that perspective, and realize that YOU will be made to answer for the way you have lived your life.
My H slept with his friends wife. This woman had fallen for my husband I could see this happening and had asked my H not to stay at the friends house while away on business. He told me he would never do something like that to a friend and how dare I even think that. So I told myself nothing would happen. Guess what she got into bed with my H asked him to bring condoms on next visit and the rest is history. Except her H found out they had a big discussion unknown to me at the time and decided they would just be friends.
Fast forward a few months her H got p****d off and phoned me and told me my H had been to bed with his W. SHE actually phoned me and told me it was something that JUST HAPPENED. My response we all have choices and YOU chose to do this it did not just happen. She also told me MY H was very special to her as a friend and she actually really liked me as a person. My response was over my dead body would there be any continuation of any friendship if I CHOSE to stay with my H. From that day my H never spoke to her again ever drove her crazy as she really believed what they had together was something special.
Do NOT kid yourself that this A is anything other than him having his cake and eating it. Tell him to tell his W about you two and watch him squirm and please spare yourself more hurt than you've already been through.
If you really thought you had something more than an A why would he not end the first R before beginning one with you. THINK you have choices right now you're making a bad one for you his P and the future.