It doesn't seem like it should be so difficult for H and me to communicate in a postive way, but it sure is. Would love your feedback on a situation from earlier in the week:
At 7 he called and asked if I wanted to meet him, BIL, SIL, and 2 other friends(the friends I have mentioned before that happen to be members of the opposite sex) for dinner.
Now tonight he started talking as if I'm the "bad guy" because I "refused" to go meet him and now it looks like we're not getting along and that I don't like his friends. He told me I should come out more often and join them so I could see what wonderful friends they were.
What would you do now?
Matilda, I wonder what his motive is? Does he truly want to be connected to you, and have you by his side in a social situation? Is he concerned about what others think of him, and he needs you there to present the image of a happy couple? Does he want you to see that the situation is harmless?
I don't think you're in a position to negotiate with him--you're relationship is not at that point. Your negotiation created a power struggle, and left the matter unresolved.
Instead of stating your needs, try to listen to what he's trying to tell you. Validate his position, even if you don't agree with it. Don't be so quick to judge. He was possibly reaching out to you in an awkward way. You hijacked the conversation, and made it about your needs.
When there is distance in a M, it is important for us to consider invitations by our spouses. Is there a way for you to accept the invitation, and check-out the situation, on your terms?
Why are you intimidated by these two members of the opposite sex?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
