Limbo, my C told me the same thing on Thurs., do not have any expectations and go slow. This is not a race as you are trying to build a solid foundation for the next 30 years, look at the big picture. When he said that it kind of made sense. I still keep thinking, I know we have both changed but we have known each other for 20 years, this can't be like dating someone you just met. But I guess apparently that is the stance I need to take or I will push her away.
I took my ex and our D out to dinner last night and had a really nice time. I asked my ex if she wanted to hang out after our D went to bed and she said maybe. After D was in bed around 9:30 she called and said I could come over for an hour as she has to work in the AM. We watched a little TV and talked about some old co-workers trying to play catch up. She then says she wants to make sure we are on the same page with where this is going. She is just getting her feet on the ground and is able to breathe for the first time in a very long time. She feels like I am putting pressure on her to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend exclusive relationship and that is not what she is ready for. I didn't think I was sending that message but even my C says it seems I am a "accelerator to the floor person". She loves everyhting I am going for her, the phone calls during the day to see how she is doing, the compliments, flowers, taking an interest in her life.
She feels guilty that she can't return those same gestures to me right now. My C told me not to expect anything from her right know as this is not about me ,you would think after 3 years it would be my turn in the rotation! So when she hit me with that I was prepared, the old me would have demanded she try, the new me validated and told her everything I am doing is uncondtional love, I expect nothing in return. If I am doing something that you feel like its too much she needs to not feel bad about telling me, I will understand.
She did agree to come to my next C session to help me understand where she is coming from (this was a sug my C made)
I am trying to find some positive things out of all of this.
While she makes no promises about what might happen, she does want to be in my company She enjoys the attention I am giving her She is holding me and kissing She sees big changes in me
I want to just ask her why she does not want to commit a 100%.
My C says to keep doing what I would do for anybody else that I was dating, if she says its too much then back it off a little. I almost feel like going dark again so she can miss me.
