You say you need to get a life. Enough about him and how to deal with thinking about him.
Make a plan to get a life. Let's see, list some hobbies or interests, some other things you think you are perhaps called to do in this life. Make a list, make some goals. It's hard. This is the toughest thing, but let me tell you, it's easier to do with a husband than without. You have to get a life no matter what. You may as well start now. Expect to not always be comfortable. Expect to not always want to go to your new class, club etc. Resistance usually accompanies change. However, when I left home for college, I was scared and uncomfortable, but I went. THis is a growing, differentiation thing. Just know that the bad feelings are normal and then you may be able to deal with them easier. Okay, so list some things that you're into and then turn it into smaller goals. Example: I've always wanted to knit. Okay step one, look up a knitting group, step 2 go to a few specialty yarn stores. goal setting: I will knit a scarf by the end of June. I will join a knitting club/class and attend 3 times by the end of June.
Example 2: Hm, I like birdwatching. Okay. Step one, I will read about new birds. step 2 I will rent some movies about birds. Step 3, I will look into birdwatching clubs, activities etc. etc.
See this getting a life thing almost like a semester in college where you ahve to sign up for 4 or 5 classes. At the beginning they seem interesting, that's why you sign up. During, you don't always feel like going, but you go anyway. At the end, you are proud of yourself for finishing the class and the new skills friends you've made.
I'm serious. Stop worrying about hubby at all. You're number one issue is to Get a Life, so let's make a full subscription/commitment right now.
Oh, and when you're busy travelling doing your own hobbies and work, and charities, guess who will be calling you to find out all about it, because it will be so interesting and he doesn't want to miss out?! lol
Also, you need to learn some self soothing and self validation. Another one of the toughest lessons life has to offer.
Next time you really want to call H and are mad, think about why. What feelings am I having right now that I want him to take care of for me. and then take care of them yourself. Yep, your an adult, gotta do it. Example:I feel really ugly and lousy today. I want to call H and have him reassure me how beautiful I am. Nope. Instead, go for a walk, buy some flowers, arrange your own boquet and one for a neighbor. make some tea, hmm, I kind of feel better now, oh! look who just called, Hi hon! and your happy and excited and so is he and he just naturally tells you you're beautiful which is just a cherry on the top, because you already made the icecream sundae yourself.
Example: I feel really lonely. I'm married. I shouldn't have to feel lonely. I want to call H, then I won't feel lonely anymore. Nope! what else can you do? Hmmm. I'm going to go to the coffee shop and bring a book, I'll be around other people. Hmmm, I think I'll call a girlfriend...hmmm, I think my sister wanted me to babysit...
Get it? I'm not saying you're not allowed to have needs. I'm just saying to do your part to fill them as much as you can. Then when he fills them it's fun and extra and not a duty or responsibility or chore to him. You're not his kid, you're his wife. He'll fill your needs, but you need to do the work to fill your own as well.
Now saying all this, I would like to add that I do not know your story, apparantly he had an affair? I don't know, I just read the last few posts. There's work that needs to be done on the marriage. It sounds like you guys are doing that with the counselor etc.
I'm just encouraging you towards your goal of Getting a Life as this was the hardest thing for me to learn and I'm still struggling with it. You can do it!!!
You can do it!!!