The intensity is called infatuation and ALWAYS feels like you've found the one and only. In order for that intense connection to germinate and grow it takes time and watering. People aren't just knocked out of their socks one day, they see it coming and let it come! My W said "no one planned for this to happen" and I said "I guess aliens just sucked your brain out of your head and you had no choice but to cheat on me".
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Yes, it completely takes effort and time to foster an A. If anyone thinks it just happened then they are lying to themselves. My H didn't have an A with a coworker overnite. Obviously from the cell phone records, he has been in close communication with her for at least 6 months and I believe longer b/c they started working closely in the beginning of last yr. So all the times that he invested in talking to her was time taken from investing in his M and family. His sometimes called her as many as 11 times a day. That is more than I have ever spoken to him.
So there is no way that he can have equal feelings for two women. You can't play the victim of circumstance. It's a situation created out of convenience and weakness. There are no justifications for cheating on his family.
Me: 36 WAH: 35 S1: 5, S2: 3, D: 2 Married 13 yrs Bomb dropped Nov. '06 H filed D papers Feb. 1, '07 H nows says OW is GF since April '07
