I'm just sitting here, shaking my head...everything you said to Tam was correct. However, it seems to me that Tam has some issues that need to be resolved before she can even begin to start DBing. Her desperation, if not stopped, will end this marriage...sadly, she is the problem...not her husband. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would definitely leave as well.
Tam
I would highly, very highly suggest that you go to the therapist that your Dr. recommended...a couple's therapist is just that, for couples...your husband will not go with you now...you are not a couple, right now, per se. You need to resolve some issues within you, your need to constantly be assured, the need to rely on your husband, the low self-esteem issues...
Lin and I can walk you through what you need to do - however, it would take enormous time...whether or not you would heed that advice, would be entirely up to you. You have shown, that you don't want advice - unless it is along the lines of pursuing your husband.
Honestly, Tam...I think you will drive your husband into a sad divorce. You are the one with the problem...not him...you. My suggestion is to talk to Jody tomorrow, as you have arranged, that would be good for you...BUT - you need to see a therapist. Your weakness goes beyond your husband walking away...way beyond him having an affair. Something within you, in your personal history has woken up fears that you have. Whatever these may be will need to be addressed, in order for you to move forward and become the independent woman you should be.
My XH and I are spending the weekend in KeyWest, we're leaving early in the morning...so, I hope and know you will have a good talk with Jody...so I'll talk with you next week...
Lin...keep up with Tam this weekend...she'll need all the help she can get.
