She felt you walking off without her and she wants to be a part of you. Do you see this Lou: her typical reconnect genes kicked in. Yes, I see it and anticipated that it would happen. At first I was thinking about not recognizing her reattachment and after a while thought I should give credit for what improvements I saw, os that is what I was doing for a while. Things did improve.
Maybe Corri’s advice is appropriate here, that you only need to get out of the way of yourself? By getting out of my own way, does that mean me doing less reconnecting work?
In all the years you have been married, have you been able to figure it out yet? Cobra, things change a little from year to year, that is what I adapr to and have to figure out. BB has some good traits but too many “princess traits” for me to go along with naturally, w/o putting on the “thinking cap” and asking myself “what is really behind the curtain.”
When you ask her this question, has she been able to answer you Her answers are non concrete. A little like Ms. HD but with more consideration for my feelings and wants, only she doesn’t know she will hold up her side of the R, considering her age or something else outside her control.
I think you are more than ready to lead, you just don't realize it. I also think BB is more than ready to follow you. The first part fits well. The part about BB following not so true. She is going to have her list of wants and doesn’t want, in order to follow. Of course I could go hard-core and tell her my way or the highway.
Doing something:
Pigs haven’t flown /\(OO)/\ for a couple of weeks and I want to practice some assertiveness while practicing some of the marriage builders advice.
We did the 15 hours of togetherness, the going to bed at the same time, I did some things for BB, she did some for me. We did some PBTS one night and It was time to have some sex.
TV and the usual foot rubs, then a shower and got to bed on time. Some making out, off come the bottoms and more kissing. Good so far. H leading W following.
Then BB goes into the common sack of potatoes/wet wash cloth mode and I do the moving but can’t get BB to move w/o giving specific directions, which she doesn‘t seem to understand.
Soon after penetration took place, BB is talking about what events are or were taking place at a local hospital. The point I want to ilistrate is, it is common for her to talk about something that has little to do with the moment we are in, as if she really isn’t there with me at the time. I am giving off signals/words that this is a hot moment for me. Giving off signals that what we are doing is exciting to me. So, BB talks about how the hospital eliminated parking places by enlarging the emergency room.
I could hear and feel BB wasn’t into the sex and decided to cut it short. A couple of minuets later, after I was done and she came back form the bathroom, BB asked me why I made it a short session, so I told her.
I said I could tell she was somewhere else mentally and about 4 things she was doing and not doing, were signs that she really wasn’t wanting to be with me. I said it was as if she was in, or at some other place, or she had some aversion to the sex that was going on.
BB said it wasn’t physically comfortable and she wasn’t get anything out of having sex. I put my arm around her and ran my fingers through her hair for several minuets and to be considerate to her needs for affection, in a style she enjoys.
Was I way off base telling her that it is a common trait of hers, to be some other place mentally during sex and during some make out moments? I said it as consideratly as I could with out glossing over the truth.
Maybe a better question what are some alternatives?
I am reducing the PMS, going for things I want, setting up an environment that promotes intimacy, but see I am still working with a partner that doesn’t want some of the same things I want.
A couple of thoughts from me right now. 1.Bang head here! 2.At least I confront some of my anxieties by doing unconfortable things. 3.Quit trying to catch trout from a pond that only contains frogs.
