Thanks, Lin. I know you and 1210 and Penny are right. I have just got to pull myself together.

You're right; I will NEVER forgive myself if I lose him permanently because I messed this up... I DO need your support and guidance and expertise - I know you and 1210 have been through this and know what I need to do. Somehow I've just got to find a way to get myself stronger... Please help me!

I just called a couple more therapists that I got numbers for. One of them uses the John Gottman method, but he is familiar with Michele's work as well. He said that though Michele claims a great deal of success with her work that there is not a lot of research yet to back that up, and that his approach would be more the Gottman method.

When I advised him very briefly what I was dealing with, he said there are typically two approaches: 1) kill them with kindness and be supportive and loving or 2) tough love - basically tell them that you want to stay married to them and work through things but that you can't do that if they're having an A and that they need to choose... Well, I can't do either of those things right now. Kindness didn't work, and if I give him an ultimatum right now, it will not be the answer that I want. I explained that to him and that Michele's approach is to not give up until I decide it's time, and he replied with the best thing to do is to work on yourself for now, so that was good. Anyway, I didn't get the BEST feeling from him, but I don't know... I called a left a message with another couples therapist, too. I'll let you know what she says.

I'm now getting ready to call to ask about DB coaching. I'll write more in a minute to tell you how that goes. I know I need to get some help, guys. And you are helping me so much. Please help to support me and keep me from messing up!

So, here is my goal that I am setting for this week (good through next Friday):
Absolutely no talk whatsoever about R or OW - period! (unless H brings it up)

Next week, as Lin suggested, I will add another goal.

Please don't give up on me! I don't want to lose my marriage - I really don't...