Sorry for your experience in your marriage, that must have been painful for you. I'm glad to hear that you resolved things in a way you seem happy with.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I don't think many people here actually believe that OP are out to cause destruction. Rather I think we are generally of the opinion that the OP is convinced by the strength of the emotions that they can live with the destructive consequences of their actions. It certainly seems that you view things this way to some extent. It also seems that you are trying to absolve yourself of blame (and therefore guilt) by saying that you're not pushing your BF to break up his family. Your words say so, but your presence and actions say otherwise.
Are you in counseling?
Do you understand on a deep level why you are pursuing someone who's currently involved? This has nothing to do with the person you are pursuing and everything to do with you.
Do you think you could extricate yourself from this situation to allow him to come to a responsible solution without external pressure?
Thank you again for sharing your perspective.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein