I get your punishment point. It was sort of a justification for my decision. I think a big issue I have had with my own satisfaction in this relationship is that I have not met my own needs enough. I all too often accomodated her at my expense. I decided that this is something I needed to change. I want to do it in a diplomatic way, but I don't think caving is the answer. She'll just push away at the guilt button until I cave next time if I do.

Perhaps taking this up with her later would be wise. My concern is that she'll treat this as she often treats our issues, by refusing to find solutions, but rather say something like "this is one of the many reasons we don't work". Mentioning fixing or solving seems to back her into that corner. It makes us adversaries. Don't know what I can do.

Thanks for your thoughts!

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ”
– Albert Einstein