Other Woman's Perspective

[Two Sided Coin]

When my husband walked away in 2004 (troubles in our relationship as well as an having an OW), I came to these boards to get insight and help on how I could fix my marriage. I went through all the heart break and pain that everyone one here is going through.

In the end, my WA spouse had made up his mind and stuck to it - we were divorced and have not had contact since then. It's taken me all those years to understand that I was fighting to keep a man that I probably -never- could have grown and flourished with if we stayed together; I'll always love him, but I honestly think I'm better off to have lost him.

Earlier this year, I went to work at a company where I met an incredible man that touches my heart in an intense, honest, sincere way no other human being ever has before. It was a physical and emotional connection unlike anything I've ever experienced.

Here's the punchline - Unfortunately, he's been with his girlfriend for 10 years and they have a daughter together.

You'd think having been there before and being in his girlfriend's shoes, I'd walk away as quickly as I could possibly move. Unfortunately, not so, because no matter WHAT side of the coin you're on, emotions cloud good sense.

According to him, he's simply fallen in love with another woman. As instensely and passionately as he feels for the woman he's ALREADY been with for so long. He can't say whom he loves more, or which experiences are more dear to him, because he feels it's a 'dead heat' for both of us. He just happens to have an intense connection with two people and is unable to decide which he should be with.

Obviously, things beween them have deteriorated because she feels very betrayed that he's in love with someone other than her. It's natural to feel as though YOU'VE done or not something to cause an affair, and my heart goes out to her.

In my defense, I've told him over and over again that I wish for him to be happy. I have never and will never ask him to leave her for me. If he needs to work on his relationship with his girlfriend so that the can stay together, I will not stop him - I will support his choice 100%. If he feels that working on his relationship with her is like being in a hamster wheel (lots of leg work and going nowhere fast), then I will support his choice to move out on his own and will be willing to have a dating relationship and see where it goes.

The problem is, folks, that picking one path is going to make a craving and yearning for the path he didn't go down.


I think my point in posting here is simply so that folks can understand that not every Other Woman is a souless hussy out to wreck homes. There are those of us that simply have had the luck of being in the right place at the wrong time. I'm definitely not condoning cheating, but sometimes things set into motion and it's easy to talk the talk of resisting temptation, but not so easy to walk the walk, so to speak.