Oh boy Haridog. I really feel for you although it is hard to relate to. I cannot imagine responding in the fashion of MrsHD. Wow, she has really dug in her heels. There is really no compromise in her world on this issue. I appreciate your optimism in the face of this letter but I am going to suggest that you may be in a state of denial. How long have you been hoping for some change from her? How long is enough? If you want it to change you are going to have to take her word for it at some point. Either live with it or move on. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes right now and think, If Mr.LFL told me flat out he was never going to attempt to work on this issue,I'd be a fool to continually expect a different outcome and I would expect him to lose quite a bit of respect for me for putting up with such unloving behavior in the midst of a M. You are in a tough spot. I'm sorry.
HD my W gets excited about how a car looks, so does my sister. In cases like this, I am not a painter, but a mechanic. I don't look at the paint or color when purchasing a car. I look at what is underneath the visible exterior.
I think Ms. HD is looking at things from how she feels and couldn't see the paint on the house and trim because she only sees the wood that is underneath. She is a tree grower and you are the painter. She doesn't see the value of your concerns and isn't willing to do much about the M you two have.
How are we supposed to read that? Deflecting or you need relief from your M problems?
He's a KU basketball fan, Lou. Don't try to understand him; that breed is beyond help. Just be here to pick up the pieces when they break his heart. Again.
(Btw, when he logs back in, HD's probably going to be in a pretty good mood...)
Last edited by Burgbud; 03/09/0707:22 PM.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
He's a KU basketball fan, Lou. Don't try to understand him; You mean Fanatic? That was a given.
I am different than many people when it comes to sports. If given the opportunity to work on a R or watch the game, I would choose the R work.
I was sort of asking HD to tell us if the game was more important or was this M advice/situation getting him down and he needed a break. Then, there is the position he wants and needs to do both.
Lou
Why should I let this mouse fart change my plans. i thought it was more serious than that, sorry. I hear some self preservation traits HD. ^5.
wow. i'm a knee-jerk emotional kind of gal, so i'd probably be NOP-ing at this point if i were you.
[beginning your inner rant]
'too tired and stressed' is a load of horsesh!t. the entire united states of america is too tired and stressed. i'm tired and stressed but by damn, i'd fcuk my man into next week and not sleep for days if he wanted it. but, you know, that's just me.
point being, she's MARRIED and it's NOT all about her. made a commitment, etc. and needs to UNselfish her stubborn a$$. man, i could just stomp all around cyberspace and scream in my frustration for you. [insert primal scream here] i am just so damned sick of all of us in this situation.
[end inner rant] whew! thanks, that felt better.
dude. she just is where she is, and cannot see another point of view. period. i would like to think your optimism is well-placed, but i have my doubts.
i do wish you could do the whole, 'woman, get upstairs' thing. frankly, i love that kind of manly stuff, and think most women would -coming from a man they trust. sadly mrsHD is too buried in her layers of self-protection/self-preservation and appearing in control at all costs, to be vunerable to you that way. at least that's JMO.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
First - KU won. Second - My DS17 just called. He is at KU right now, just finished his audition to get into the School of Music. Said his audition was "flawless" and that the percussion director seemed very impressed. My son's enthusiasm is contagious.
Third - I just sent my W an email with the news about my son's audition. Nothing else but that.
She and I have "Parent's Group" at our church tonight. I am going to make it through that. I'm thinking along Burg's lines right now, letting the issue "mature" and seeing if anything changes over the next day or so (but not expecting it).
HD, Wow, what cool news about your son! And as far as W goes, I am hoping there's room for negotiation and compromise before you pull out NOP style stuff.
I agree with NOP’s advice. I also forgot that at the time I was in the heat of my battle with W, I had already cut off finances, dropped all joint credit cards, contacted a lawyer. So you are sort of fighting with one hand tied behind your back.
Steadfast resolve is unlikely to get her attention in my opinion, even if you do it until the sun burns out. Steadfast resolve is a good character trait. Take her at her word.
Sounds like my wife when she gets mad.
LFL said: I'm trying to put myself in your shoes right now and think, If Mr.LFL told me flat out he was never going to attempt to work on this issue,I'd be a fool to continually expect a different outcome and I would expect him to lose quite a bit of respect for me for putting up with such unloving behavior in the midst of a M. You are in a tough spot. I'm sorry.
MrsHD doesn’t care whether HD has any respect for her. If she did, she never would be doing this. She has cut off her emotions. So the only thing that can persuade her is logic (which she can use to greater advantage) or force (which HD is reluctant to wield). Respect is not even in the game.
Wow, she has really dug in her heels. There is really no compromise in her world on this issue.
Personally I doubt she thinks she has dug in her heels. This is nothing for her. She’s not even close to being pissed yet. I think this is her standard MO, she treats everyone like this, and is just giving HD a little stronger reprimand like she would a kid who has made a repeat offense. Nothing for her to get too upset about, but she just needs to lay down the law.
Slow down. This is just her initial response. Give her a couple of days to think about it...her position isn't going to harden any, and it might soften if she's left to her own devices. Right now you've pushed and she's pushed back, claiming her space. Given the opportunity to give up some of her space, rather than (as she perceives it) having her space taken from her, she may be more flexible than she appears right now.
What she said reflects her state of mind at the current moment and that's all. Give her a chance, in a couple of days, to say something like, "You know, I'd *like* to ML once a week, I'm just too tired and hassled to want to." That would be progress. Maybe there's no chance it will happen, but I'd vote for just standing still for a bit and seeing if she's capable of moving off center on her own a little.
Hairdog,
I haven't even read thru the entire thread yet, but I can tell you that I think this one from Burgbud makes a ton of sense.
You stirred up the hornet's nest; did you expect them to just fly away quietly into the night?
I think you should wait a little. I'll post in a moment as to what I would say when you do RESPOND.
In the meantime, I gotta tell ya -- I could have written that note, and Mrs. Choc. could have written that reply. It actually made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and I got that "elephant on my chest" feeling again that Lou talks about, that's how much it sounded like my wife.
