Today at lunch I spoke with my W about the plans for the evening. She had mentioned to me on Tuesday/Wednesday that her mother was having a party on Friday and that she was planning to attend. Great. Good to know. Sounds like fun. During this afternoon's discussion it became clear that W expected me to pick up our son from MIL's house. Not a problem, she's about a mile away from us. I'll swing by after work. I told W that I was riding my bike back to work so she should expect me around 6 pm (had to go home, get in the car and drive over there). She got upset and told me that was too late. I told her then that I would leave work about 30 minutes early to accomodate her. She didn't think this was good enough. She told me she wanted me to drive AND leave early.
One of the main reasons I was choosing to ride was because W was going out and I wouldn't get the chance to go to the gym tonight. I also only rode once this week, and my goal was 3 times a week. So anyway, W started to talk about how I don't care about her needs. Her needs don't matter. I only am concerned with what I want to do. I told her that I was interested in compromise, and that's what I was doing by leaving work early. I also told her that I was not prepared to do anything more because I didn't get any advance notice that she wanted something from me. She got upset and started telling me why I should have known she needed my help: "Every other times I went to a party at my mom's I have needed you to come pick him up early, right?" Not sure this is true, I don't remember. "You should have known I needed you to because every other time I did." "Why don't you use your brain and figure stuff like this out."
The way I see it, she didn't ask for what she wanted and rather than be wrong about something, she has to point the finger at me. She faults me for not being attentive to her needs. Sounds like one of the main issues in our relationship. So she went on and on talking about how her needs don't matter, how she doesn't matter. I told her I had to go, then rode my bike back to work. As I walked upstairs she was shouting about how much of an a$$hole I am and how she can't believe she married me. A year ago I would not have rode my bike. I would have done whatever I could have to accomodate her. Now that I'm not doing so she's upset. Is there a better way of going about negotiating stuff like this? Is there something I'm missing here?
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
