It seems to me that she basically told you that if you don't like it, move on. Essentially, "Hairdog, lump it or we divorce".
I liked your email.
I have suggested the following to you several times before. I think you are going to have to prove that you are serious - on a level that SHE can understand.
1) Separate your finances. Get control of your money.
2) Take, don't ask, equal time out with your daughter. Stop asking her permission.
3) If she mentions divorce, let her know that you will seek custody and child support, possibly alimony (It is my understanding that she makes more than you).
She is playing hardball. Stop bunting and go for the play. She won't respect anything less.
She is threatening divorce. Take her seriously and move to protect your interests. If she asks what you are doing, then tell her straight up, the facts. No couching, no mercy. Your actions are in direct response to her threats.
Then the next move is hers. She upped the ante, Hairdog. Are you going to call or fold?
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
When I attribute seeming negative motives, I am not suggesting that its intentional. ok?
I appreciate sharing this with me. This is true. Dont forget it. As I said to you, approximately one month ago, I do not think I will ever want to make love on a weekly basis, at least not while we are both working full-time and raising a family, and even after that, there are no guarantees.
She said I think. She did not say NO. That means its a test, not a boundary. She is stating what is draining her, and the last is just a push to see if you really love her long term. She is comfortable where she is and with the amount of effort she is expending. Why would she volunteer to do more. People dont typically do that. People need motivation to step up.
At least right now, though, I am too stressed and tired much of the time. Leaves a opening for you to identify but then tries to make you feel guilty.
If I did so simply to satisfy your needs, it wouldn’t be making love, at least not from my perspective.
Hogwash. Doesnt want to open up to being vulnerable.
For me, making love is an act that we both do willingly.
So why isnt she willing every day, if she loves you?
While I might try things to make myself ‘willing’ more often than I would if left to my own devices, putting some sort of schedule or required number of times to make you feel loved isn’t going to work for me. blah blah blah . What is this MIGHT try baloney? specifics. Where when how. This might crap is really crap coming from a lawyer.
Do you remember talking about this? I get frustrated because it seems to me we keep having this same discussion over and over. You say you ‘get it’, but if so, why do we keep coming back to this? her frustration is with herself. What did you say you 'got' HD? Did you placate?
If this is a need you have, so be it, but I can’t satisfy it – I just can’t. I find that unacceptable, and untrue. Unless she is physically impaired she can. She wont. There is a differance.
I do love you, but if you can’t be happy with who I am and what I’m willing to do, There she just admitted it. its about being willing not about being able.
that is your choice, and I respect it. I think you need to do some soul searching, and if you can’t be happy in this relationship, then we both need to move on. another negative push begging for attention. She needs to do some soul searching. Is she really willing to be indifferant to you, and lose you because she is unwilling and tired?
Ask her. Is that what you want Ms. HD? Do you really detest having sex with me that much that you prefer for us to move on? Do you want to move on? This is where you will have to not personalize her rejection. This is where you will have to FIGHT her for her.
Ugh. Makes you want tie them up in the basement and spank some sense into them
I am tired of this Im sure she is. She has resources she doesnt know about. I know this is tiring for you HD. You can do it. you have nothing to lose by fighting her for her, and everything to gain.
I'm impressed with your positive attitude. Seriously, her response is pretty much stunning.
YOU need to do some soul-searching?
SHE is tired of this?
Tired of what, your complaining about the fact that she's forgotten her wedding vows?
Definitely plow forward. Say "we've been doing it your way for years, I want you to try it my way for a month." If she can't even do that much, that will tell you something, won't it?
If she refuses, go ahead and set yourself on fire and see if she'll piss on you.
Burg: this approach is so much like my usual M.O. I suppose if I made an internal deadline of X days, it might be worth a shot. It's a very Buddhist view - this is her, at this moment in time, in fact now, she's someone different... Unfortunately, she's a pretty consistent, some might say stubborn, person. I don't see her wavering. I'm thinking this is more along the lines of what Nopkins is saying, a line in the sand, so to speak.
Nop: I don't know that ramping it up so much right off the bat is the right approach, either. If you think this is her "threatening divorce", you might need to go back and read my old threads. She's gotten much more specific in the past. I think you're approach might be the right one to go with later on, but I guess I'm still feeling somewhat positive that we're even communicating about this. Maybe I'm a hopeless optimist (today, anyway), but I think that we're still on a level road and that there's no need to yank the wheel and go hurtling down the mountain.
Steadfast resolve. Hey, it worked for you, didn't it?
Cobra: I'm not ignoring you. I think you've got some good stuff there. I've just got to go watch my beloved Jayhawks kick butt.
Quote: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Nop: I don't know that ramping it up so much right off the bat is the right approach, either. If you think this is her "threatening divorce", you might need to go back and read my old threads. She's gotten much more specific in the past. I think you're approach might be the right one to go with later on, but I guess I'm still feeling somewhat positive that we're even communicating about this. Maybe I'm a hopeless optimist (today, anyway), but I think that we're still on a level road and that there's no need to yank the wheel and go hurtling down the mountain.
Steadfast resolve. Hey, it worked for you, didn't it? ------------------------------------------------------------------
You wouldn't be ramping, HD, merely leveling the playing field. The thing is, your wife's response is IS ENTIRELY IN CHARACTER. She hasn't moved or changed her tune - at all.
Steadfast resolve is unlikely to get her attention in my opinion, even if you do it until the sun burns out.
Steadfast resolve is a good character trait.
Take her at her word.
Sorry.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I feel like it's time to stand out there and grab his hand, put the brush in it, and show him what painting is like. When he sees how much happier the house owner is when some painting is getting accomplished, maybe he'll paint on his own. Either way, I'm tired of talking about the painting.
No he won't HD. He isn't going to look what he considers just the top coat, he sees the wood under the paint. He is still thinking what an awfully dumb person you are because to him prep is 90% of the paint job and you don't see it.
