Just a note to say thanks to both of you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us all. It is good to pose different points of view as it allows all of us to learn and grow, apply theory and see what works in our individual situations.
Having been through MLC and now witnessing what I see as my H's MLC based upon some things that he has said and done over the past 2 years I agree with some of what both of you have stated.
MLC is definately about revisiting past experiences and childhood/adolescent issues.
Might I add that MLC is also about how enabled a person has been, my H for example has been taken care of his entire life without having to do much of anything other than "be nice". He went from being waited on hand and foot by his older sisters (he is the youngest) to sort of raising himself when all of the other siblings got married and moved out as his parents were elderly right into my house where I was so concerned about appearances and being a good wife that I virtually demanded nothing of him in and around the house.
He never had a real chance to be a teenager or young adult and struggled with being irresponsible. So, it has come back to bite him at 40. I have had issues that I discussed earlier in the thread and a few others.
What I also see from my own "recovery" is that something has to happen to snap you out of your self imposed delusional world. Just like a series of things must happen to send you into it. But even though those things happen to send you in, if you are immature to begin with or maybe if you had no relationship with God BEFORE you went into MLC it will take you that much longer to snap out of it or the incident will have to be that much more earth shattering to get you to snap out of it.JMHO.
So, herein lies my theory. Circumstances and conditions contribute to the state of mind that you are in when MLC comes your way, how you handle it and work out of it. Other people do play some small part in how you work your way out.
In how accountable they hold you for your actions, how enabling they are to you, how much distance they put between themselves and you, and if you as the person in MLC is mature enough to handle the helping of laxative that you have served yourself.
Some may take what seems like forever to a normal person (it took my Dad almost 20 years, give or take a few and we were not around him all of this time.) Point is, to him it does not seem that long at all. But to my Mom, my sister and I and to his brother and sister... it has been a lifetime and one that he missed out on. We can never go back, he sees us as adults but cannot understand how we got to. Sometimes I catch him looking at us and I can see the wonderment on his face ... time got away from him and he knows it.
