Cinders.....It was ME BND ---- - new one.....get it....HAHA...best thing that ever happened....dont believe her shes not sorry! But love her dearly.
BND I would love to see you!
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
New Day !!! I'm afraid I still have some worries...though not as many as yesterday !!! I have calmed down quite a bit, thanks to all your wonderful advice and comforting words....!!!!
I just read about the MLC'ers wanting us to move on. H said that to me too on Saturday... I think that the difference with this NC as opposed to my first NC is that H seems very angry at me this time and last time he was just worried about me. I am finding it hard to deal with him being angry at me, it hurts. I feel like I need to make peace ...but then I realize this isn't me that's screwing up. He does seem to be going out more again, and having his life with OW again !! FULL BLOWN !! It's hurting me, it's killing me that he might ACTUALLY be finding the happiness that he thinks he needs...I know we all have our theories about how we think OW are and how that R is not going to last, but last night a friend told me about her father meeting a 18 year old when he had been married to her mother longtime and he ran off with that 18year old, and they are still married. I guess sometimes it's hard to hear that those things also happen....that sometimes our H's DON'T come back, that they stay with the OW, and might find happiness or might just settle because they realize they can't turn back anymore !
Most days though I hope that this feeling I have is just like the one YR had a while back, when she wanted to throw it all in.....when she wanted to give up on her H. I feel I am reaching that point sometimes, NOT because I don't love him, (because I do, more than EVER !) but because it seems so useless to be foolishly waiting around for someone who seems so content with his new life/lifestyle etc. All I can say is that I miss him. My heart aches badly every day, and maybe just maybe one day in the future I might be able to look back and see the purpose this all had for me/us. And hopefully we will be able to look back on it together, as a couple, with renewed love and affection for each other.....
Doensn't this sometimes feel like we still believe in Fairytales coming true ???!!!
I guess I hope my Fairytale comes true........God please guide me, let me hear what you are saying to me, please guide my H and be with him through this, and please, please, please, bring his heart back home....we love him so much !!!!
Bye for now,
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
