I'm great, one coworker is a real PITA. DBing him right now. Assclown!
Ready to get out of town and turn off!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
As one of my piecing heroes here on this board, I was wondering how ya doing as I have not seen you post for a while so I pray all is well with you, your H & your marriage
Hi SD! Hope you're doing great. Missed meeting up with you while in town, but we know you had a big vaca of yourself to get ready for. Are you back home? If so, hope your trip was wonderful. If not, hope it still is.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Yeah SD - seen you posting, how about giving us an update on you? I've been updating mine too (thread in piecing calld "happy together at last") - if you get the chance have a look and tell me if you're feeling any of those things (our sitches did used to echo each other a lot)
Take care and "speak" soon
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
I've been holding off for a variety of reasons, but now I've got the time and desire to post on my sitch.
H and I went off for our first big trip since the bomb. We spent 10 days together in Guatemala, successfully. Trips have always breeded problems for a variety of reasons, and this was a good one. It was fun! A few rough patches, but waaay better than in the past.
We had a MC appointment the day after we came back, however, and H confessed that one night on our trip he had gotten really pissed at me. I burst into tears. First, I'd had no clue, and I always know when he's ticked, so I felt like he was just getting better at hiding things from me. Second, I was upset that he hadn't addressed the problem when it came up. Granted, he didn't let it affect the rest of the trip and he did bring it up in MC, but it brought up everything from the bomb for me.
H always held onto resentment thinking it didn't matter, he'd get over it. He held onto this collective anger until it bubbled into infatuation with LW and dropping the bomb on me. So, when I found out he'd held this from me until MC...well, it brought up all of those old feelings and fears.
I feel like I'm the only one ballsy enough to actually do what our MC has taught us to do in terms of communicating when something has bothered us. I do it, but H doesn't...and I wonder what else he's hiding from me. In fact, I got a weird vibe from him this morning...and I find myself just wanting to distance myself in preparation for another bomb. Crazy, sure, but I'm thinking this post-traumatic stress response is pretty normal. Hell, I checked his phone to see who'd been calling and who he's been calling too...not good to be snooping, but I did it. He'd called LW yesterday evening on his way to meet a friend for drinks. And LW called him at 1:30 AM (!!!!!) a few weeks back...he didn't answer, but WTF?
Sort of makes me wonder if there hadn't been more going on at some point...
All pointless to worry about/think about. I have to stick with GAL/PMA working on me.
But...I will say I won't go through this process again. If he bombs me again, ever, I'm done. I'll file the papers myself.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I'm sorry you had this downer, but I have faith that you'll be back on top of things soon. Now, I want to play devil's advocate for you a little here...
Originally Posted By: SDFoundGirl
First, I'd had no clue, and I always know when he's ticked, so I felt like he was just getting better at hiding things from me.
OK, let's talk about this. There are a couple of interpretations here. First, H is letting his anger simmer until your relationship goes south as a result - that's what you're assuming is the deal, based on things that were problems in The Bad Old Days.
Originally Posted By: SDFoundGirl
Second, I was upset that he hadn't addressed the problem when it came up. Granted, he didn't let it affect the rest of the trip and he did bring it up in MC, but it brought up everything from the bomb for me.
OK, gave the second interpretation of what happened yourself, right here. H didn't sit on this forever - he sat on it until MC. Isn't it possible that he didn't bring it out right at the moment, in the middle of the trip, because he wanted your vacation together to go well? Perhaps he didn't understand what your reaction to his waiting would be - he thought it would be better to let the vacation be fun and happy, and then bring up his issue in the "safe" environment of MC later on? Obviously, that backfired on him pretty badly - but you are assuming a LOT of bad stuff based on one incident of poor communication.
And as for snooping - well, now, FoundGirl, I shouldn't have to tell you about that at all! We went through too much of that together, back in the rough days. Let that go. Look at what you found out - from an outsider's point of view, it's totally and completely inconclusive, and you've built a case on top of it so big that you're ending with your post with "I'll file the papers myself." C'mon, SD. You're better than that. Shake it off - I know you can.
Originally Posted By: SDFoundGirl
H and I went off for our first big trip since the bomb. We spent 10 days together in Guatemala, successfully. Trips have always breeded problems for a variety of reasons, and this was a good one. It was fun! A few rough patches, but waaay better than in the past.
OK, having chastised you a bit, I want to get back to the good stuff. This sounds FABULOUS. Here's an assignment for you! I want a nice post, at least as long as this one, telling me everything TERRIFIC about this vacation! OK?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
OK, gave the second interpretation of what happened yourself, right here. H didn't sit on this forever - he sat on it until MC. Isn't it possible that he didn't bring it out right at the moment, in the middle of the trip, because he wanted your vacation together to go well? Perhaps he didn't understand what your reaction to his waiting would be - he thought it would be better to let the vacation be fun and happy, and then bring up his issue in the "safe" environment of MC later on? Obviously, that backfired on him pretty badly - but you are assuming a LOT of bad stuff based on one incident of poor communication.
Yeah, yeah, that's what the MC said. But STILL...I mean, COME ON. I've changed. I've risked TONS....so now it's his darn turn. I'm tired of having all the responsibility here. Put on your big boy pants! He'll never know if he doesn't try.
Quote:
And as for snooping - well, now, FoundGirl, I shouldn't have to tell you about that at all! We went through too much of that together, back in the rough days. Let that go. Look at what you found out - from an outsider's point of view, it's totally and completely inconclusive, and you've built a case on top of it so big that you're ending with your post with "I'll file the papers myself." C'mon, SD. You're better than that. Shake it off - I know you can
Well hell, I KNOW that. I know it's crazy, I know it's stupid. I see it as proof I'm not over that whole issue...and H can't figure out why I'm not. He's still got trust to earn back. I'm trying...but his behavior lately has just sent up some flags for me.
I'll give it a few days and try to post the good stuff. Honestly, right now I just don't want to. I'm tired and annoyed. It's his turn to worry, his turn to pursue me. I want more.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
