Lou, What changed the dynamics is, I said to BB, keep it up, I am gone. Cobra When did this come about? This is the first I've heard. Good for you!!!
It was first said about 3 years ago, and many tines in between, but after BB didn't want much physical contact with me in Aug 06, some thanksgiving crap she got pissy about, then some of her hang-ups at Christmas time 06, feeling like "what is the use" and many ,many times of me backing off, and then almost giving up on ever having a sexual R with her, (I know too many “commas") her typical reconnect genes kicked in. Now she wants me to be in control more and asks why I don’t touch her as much and wants more physical contact.
Gees, BB drawing social security and me still wanting to neck? We have the ideal set up, no kids, why not?
What worked I believe is, so many times I felt like giving up, each one took hold a little more firmly. The detach feelings took hold so strongly that the thought of having 1/3rd of a pie fixed like I wanted it and liked, felt better than having a whole pie I didn't like.
A month ago when BB wanted to keep our "stuff envelopes appointment" instead of the MC appointment (it would have been easy to do both, but she doesn't like to semi-multi task) I just got to the point of thinking WTF, why bother. I could have told BB bye, said have a nice life with out feeling like I was dumping her, being mean to her, or resenting her for not doing more for the R or me.
I had less emotion going on in that week than when I had, selling an old car. I have sold many cars that I used to buy and repair for resale.
I wasn't sorry I failed or that she failed me. I wasn’t having much anxiety about which investments we have, would go to whom.
All I wanted from inside the house was one bed, some old pots and pans that BB was going to put in a garage sale, my tools, printer supplies, my computer, MP3 player, and a small TV.
I started to look at patio-homes and was almost mentally prepared to sell some stock to buy one, split what was left and give her an emotional good-by kiss and wish her well. I was about to say find some one you like, I am tired of trying and tired of not getting what I want. I was having one of my 1:30 PM days.
That is code for some magical creature, real or other wise, ringing my door bell at 1:30 PM some day and telling me he/she has been watching what has been going on and telling me it is time to move on. That is a stretch for me, professing not believe only things that are measurable.
And in so doing, you actually reduced the risk of you two splitting. Just like in the stock market, some of the safest moves are the ones that feel the scariest. The ones that feel safe often have the highest risk, KWIM? For me it was like I had to give up wanting something/many things before I could fix anything or move on.
To put it in apple tree trimmer's picture, I had to cut half fo the branches of a diseased tree and risk the tree's demise and "think nothing ventured, nothing gained."
What I should have done was cut some branches off long ago and take the hit of a smaller crop of apples (apple sauce goal) so some day the total apple yield would not go to almost zero.
I am hope full, but if I truly felt BB wanted to be on her own today and said she did, I would still offer 60% of our assets. She had some relatives that gave her some $, so to be fair, I would do the 40/60 thing.
I know BB wants to stay together. I have to figure out what part of her talk is bluff, what are princess wishes, and how I have to rid myself of some PMS and peace maker traits, I have that don't serve the R well. Some of the church C/literature falls in that area, working towards reducing my PMS.
