Thanks and gotcha, which is why I said I can see how this question is pointless. Either the person gets how this is a problem, or they don't. Better to act in ways to create/increase desire, or recognize how your SO is masking their desire.
I think Corri’s point is that YOU should rephrase your statement to “Given that we are married, if you have no sexual desire for me, can you see how that is a problem for ME?"
This makes the statement accountable to you, not the two of you. All she has to agree to is that you see this as a problem, regardless of whether she believes it is a problem or not. The question removes debate over whether a problem exists and puts how YOU FEEL at the center of discussion, which is really what this is all about, right?
When you ask Hairdog:
I hope I do not offend. But did your marriage vows say something along the lines of "love, honor, cherish?" If so, have you ever asked your W what those words mean? Or if she is the sole person who gets to decide how to love, honor, and cherish you, no matter if you don't feel loved, honored, and cherished?
You are really taking the same position as your above quote – opening to debate whether the issue of vows is relevant or not. That is not the core problem. Your real concern is how you feel, regardless of whether it is marriage vows or something else. Saying that you fell hurt because she does not honor your marriage vows makes you vulnerable, but because those are your feelings, the statement is not open for debate. Do you see this subtle but important difference?
Hairdog,
Heya Chrome. It truly doesn't matter what our vows said. I've argued vows with her before. I end up eating my own tail. Logic has no place here. I've been getting much more satisfactory results from the BF/NOP approach of just being the best Hairdog I can be, standing in her way, getting and giving the hugs/kisses I want, and, when that doesn't work, shrugging it off with a funny comment a la, "your loss, babe."
Why are you getting results? I think it follows from what I said to Chrome. You are not putting up for debate the logic of what you want, just that you want it because that is how you feel. She cannot argue with that because her whole rationalize view of men, women and the world is based on the exact same principle – it is so because that is how she feels. For her to invalidate your feelings means she is open for you to invalidate her world. She won’t go there. I think you need to exploit this.
