Ooooh... I don't blame you for being angry. Heck, if my husband told me to get some gloves for OW I'd probably write "$lut" in black sharpie all over them. It would be really hard for me to hold back -- and then, like usual, I'd regret doing it later. You did amazingly well.
If your husband feels she's so needy for help, how about YOU and husband together helping out. Tell him you feel badly and would like to help too and you just go with him every single time he's helping her. Ask questions when he's talking to her on the phone. Affairs thrive in secrecy. By being an active part of the equation you're eliminating the secrecy. Eventually she'll find some other guy who doesn't always have his wife around.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
