Question for Corri/Fearless/whoever feels like answering, in regards to your discussion about your SO making statements about how you should feel, or why you shouldn't feel a certain way. I'll admit I have been guilty of making statements in that vein on occasion, and I can see how such statements are unwise at best, manipulative at worst. How about the following statement?
"Given that we are married, if you have no sexual desire for me, can you see how that is a problem?"
I can see how one can argue that you are telling someone how they should feel. But it seems to me that sexual desire being absent in a marriage is a problem no matter which way you look at it. Or maybe you would just argue that such a question is pointless. I can see that too.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"Given that we are married, if you have no sexual desire for me, can you see how that is a problem?"
Ms.Hdog would see this as a non sequitur. She might respond with something like, "We are married, yes. You equating marriage with sex or with the assumption that sexual desire should be present in a marriage is the result of old sociological overlays. It's how men attempted to control women's bodies, and it's not something I think is generally relevant today, or in our marriage, specifically."
Thanks and gotcha, which is why I said I can see how this question is pointless. Either the person gets how this is a problem, or they don't. Better to act in ways to create/increase desire, or recognize how your SO is masking their desire.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I think that might be a very excellent response for Chrome to get.
Quote:
What if he broke the loop by just stopping after she answered the question?
Why do you say that? Are you implying that "leaving it hanging" is a way to provoke thought or prevent the propping up of bad thought processes through excessive argumentation (a la the advice given to HD and others not to engage in a debate over needs)?
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I hope I do not offend. But did your marriage vows say something along the lines of "love, honor, cherish?" If so, have you ever asked your W what those words mean? Or if she is the sole person who gets to decide how to love, honor, and cherish you, no matter if you don't feel loved, honored, and cherished?
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Heya Chrome. It truly doesn't matter what our vows said. I've argued vows with her before. I end up eating my own tail. Logic has no place here. I've been getting much more satisfactory results from the BF/NOP approach of just being the best Hairdog I can be, standing in her way, getting and giving the hugs/kisses I want, and, when that doesn't work, shrugging it off with a funny comment a la, "your loss, babe."
Still no sex, but at least I can look myself in the eye (using a mirror of course).
However, I actually like your question, and my reply to Corri's answer. I'm really diggin' it, as a matter of fact.
