OOOOOH but what about this. What if xH was actually TAKING my control of MYSELF away from me? WHAT IF I was used to being able to state my feelings and feeling that sense of control over my feelings and my xH "robbed" me of that? Not that I needed validation of the feeling but remember he didn't passively "withhold" validation which would have still left me with the feeling. NO he told me that I SHOULD NOT feel that way. This was foreign and confusing for me as someone used to owning her feelings.
Exactly. You know what you are feeling, for gosh sakes. My xH used to do that to me all the time. I'd say "x, y, z," and he'd say, "you shouldn't feel that way because of a, b, c." Well, should or shouldn't it was the WAY I FELT, DARN IT!!
So I'd argue about why I felt x, y, z... and you know the drill.
Power struggle. Control.
Believe me, it is a very passive form of manipulation. **I** was the one left holding the bag because I felt x, y, z. He would claim powerlessness because I was feeling x, y, z... (which, according to him, I should not have been feeling)... I'd get into the fray when I'd try to explain WHY I was feeling a certain way (rising to take the bait)... rather than letting it be his problem that I did not live by his particular book of What Should Be.
