He could withhold it to KEEP you from hitting the 'perfect' mark, and always control the R... for without the 'knowingness' of you perfectly taking care of someone, you will wade into the sh!t, rise and take the bait, whether you want to do it or not.
To constantly expect him to validate you, you attempt to control the R by controlling his actions and responses.
I know y'all may think that I am pushing this away from discomfort or that I am resistant to the idea, but you have to believe me that I am more than willing to see my faults and weaknesses and this just does not ring true. I get no emotional response from it. That is kind of my internal check on how close I or someone else is to a true emotion. It's how one therapist quickly tagged one of my core beliefs. He heard that emotional catch in my voice as I quickly teared up. I am not going to let it go or ignore it. I will consider it but like I said it just seems foreign and I feel flat thinking about controlling someone.
OOOOOH but what about this. What if xH was actually TAKING my control of MYSELF away from me? WHAT IF I was used to being able to state my feelings and feeling that sense of control over my feelings and my xH "robbed" me of that? Not that I needed validation of the feeling but remember he didn't passively "withhold" validation which would have still left me with the feeling. NO he told me that I SHOULD NOT feel that way. This was foreign and confusing for me as someone used to owning her feelings.
All right that was completely off the cuff and is a COMPLETELY new idea. I have no idea how accurate it might be but I know I am shaking a bit and my heart is pounding. At least it may guide me in the right direction.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
