Should I even be here?

[BeingMe]

Well, now you know, Ron, and finally she has actually been honest with you! The ball is squarely in her court now, so if she ever wants you back, then she will have to come and find you. I just cannot figure out why people (WAS's especially) feel the need to be dishonest. In the end, we (LBS's) do find out the truth, or we leave, but dishonesty never serves one well. It always comes back and bites ya in the 'you know where'.

I hope that you are feeling better now. Do you feel your pathway has become clearer now? Do you also feel that you are now, finally, able to drop the rope of hope for any future R with your XW? I feel you still have some bitterness toward your XW and the OM, and that is probably normal. However, try and let go of that .... forgive (for your own sanity) and move on. Life is too short to hang on to what is now essentially a mirage (although, I know how you feel, since I am also in a long M, and I would've not been able to let go too easily, what with the history, the children, etc.). I once told my H, "there is no-one on this planet that will understand when I say, 'remember when S/D19 were born?', and know what I mean". He had to agree because those are our memories and ours alone. No-one (no matter how many times you tell someone else) can understand the nuances of the event, the feelings we shared, the joy and agony, the stress and fun of bringing twins home, and so on. There are just certain things that only you and your XW will understand and remember about certain events in your lives together, and no OM will ever be able to know or share them. Hang on to those memories, and find joy in them, and move on to new memories with or without another woman, but certainly with your sons.

Take care.