Choc, this might ~ be where the church MC is coming from. It's typical/common.
Also I am not promoting any one form of religious system/belief here.
a page from the manual: Role Reversals from , “Strike the Original Match” by Chuck Swindoll.
........ after marriage a strange reversal in their roles occurs. The young bride marries with disappointment over the violation done against her by her fiancé. She soon becomes dominant and aggressive, taking the role of leadership from her husband because of a mixture of resentment and anger.
And the man? Well, he feels, guilty, disappointed with himself, and ultimately becomes passive.
She takes charge (and hates it) while be backs off (and feels miserable). All because their intimate relationship was incorrectly set in motion before marriage.
Of the hundreds of unhappy couples I have counseled who finally admitted to premarital promiscuity, I can hardly recall an exception to this strange pattern.
I personally fail to see this as a male only problem in many pre-marriage relationships. young bride marries with disappointment over the violation done against her by her fiancé.
The way I see things, it can be something (sex or PG) the woman wanted. I would have liked the no sex statement before M to have been a bit more practical and have contained the ides that some couples have such a good time enjoying sex, they over look the other areas of a long term R that will cause them to stumble or lose interest in each other.
This carries out too in the area of helping LT married couples to see the short comings of the earlier M and see that maybe what they thought as love was lust type sex, but it's time to add things to the R and grow as a couple.
It is as important for people to know that losing that "in love feeling" that a sexual R can influence and not feeling it later in the R, isn't about falling out of love (i don't like him/her any more) and mentally work through that issue because one person doesn't feel something, it doesn't mean the same thing as falling out of love.
This idea would help some LTR couples get over the idea that if one does not feel something sexual for their partner, they shouldn't have to be sexual with their mate because they don't feel like having sex. (maybe something like HD's case)
Another page from the manual: What We Really Want "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge)
Every man wants: 1. A battle to fight - life requires a man to be fierce and fiercely devoted. 2. An adventure to live - God is wild, dangerous, unfettered, and free; He designed men to carry His likeness. 3. A beauty to rescue - a man needs someone to fight for; nothing is so inspiring to a man as a beautiful woman; she'll make him charge the castle, slay the giant, hit the homerun. Pro\ 28:1 NIV
The wicked man flees, though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.
Every woman wants: 1. To be fought for - she wants to be wanted, pursued, cherished. 2. An adventure to share - she knows she is not the adventure. She wants to be strong and part of an adventure led by her man. 3. To have a beauty to unveil - as a little girl, she longs to capture her daddy's delight; she yearns not t be seen as a "tireless worker" but as the "captivating woman" of a fierce adventurer. Song of Solomon 2:8-13 NIV
Listen! My lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth, the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me."
Some of these ideas go along with some of the books we discussed.
