Still Having a Nervous Breakdown

[missmyfriend]

Jen, anything I say, please evaluate it and either use it or throw it away or somewhere in between What I want to say is that I think everything that has happened so far is positive for you. Let me explain, your H is going through this weird journey that you did not ask to be a part of. You and your H made vows to each other and you are the only one that kept them. The "normal" H would never have dreamed of doing what he is doing to you and the kids but he is just the same.

You do not know how this is going to end up but you do have an idea of some of the things that may happen according to other peoples experiences and from MWD's books. From what I am hearing, you are DBing among the best of them. Of course it is going to get crazy. One moment he is going to be nice and the next you are the worst person in the world. That is because everything is about him. At one time, that wasn't the case until the MLC fairy came along. Now, he is extremely self centered. When he was nice to you, it suited him. He may have had a moment of lucidity and was feeling bad but not quite enough to say or realize, "I love you" so the most you are going to get is "I want to be friends". To him, he is being gracious and you should thank your lucky stars that he is being so generous. How can he say that he loves you when he does not love himself?

When he is mean, let it go. Let his mean, cruel words go as hard as it is to do that. He is hurting inside and he blames you. It is because you are still "safe". He knows you love him. You are his safety net. Even in his current state, he knows or thinks he knows, that if his world comes crashing down, you will be there to pick up the pieces and hold him as he cries.

That is why you need to be strong and let him fall on his own. If you are to hold him, he cannot learn to pick himself up again. The hard part is letting him fend for himself (same problem I have with my W because I always wanted to be her knight). You will have fears that he will become too self sufficient to want to come back. That is my irrational fear of my W becoming able to take care of herself. But remember it has more to do with them choosing to be married, not being married because they rely on us.

Hang in there. Don't give up. Stay on the boards. And if you are afraid you might weaken or not sure of your next steps, talk to one of the coaches. Use your husbands money to pay for it

God's got your back (put on that spiritual armor)!