I think this is where I belong

[LoginName]

JBF,
I think Pete's W has an OM she claims not to love. I think many of the other's sitches I've read have something similar. I don't understand it at all. The whole "love" thing has me totally confused. I used to think I knew a little about love. Now I don't even know if the word has meaning.

My W loves the OM, although I'm pretty sure the A is over and she has no contact with him. So my W seems to be more of the exception. I think that even if our spouses 'love' the OP, it doesn't mean that they won't love us too, or again, or that our M/R can't be saved. As you may remember, and I'm always very embarrassed to remind anyone of this, but I had an A too. I could have loved the OW. I was starting too (which scared me into ending the A). I still have fond memories of her, and feel bad for hurting her. I'm sure my wife will always have fond memories of her OM.

Ah Ha! Maybe a key here is feelings of jealousy and not so much about love! Maybe love is unconditional and can get over infidelity. Maybe we shouldn't feel bad if our WAS loves the OP, or not. Maybe we should work on our jealousy instead.

My W said she knows I love her. How does she know that and what does it mean? I think I do love her, but why? You still feel for your W, after everything that's happened. I wish we were simpler animals.

Love. Thinking out load for a bit.... I think there is the chemical addiction type of love that is mainly infatuation. Then that can change into another type of chemical/hormonal addiction as well. Evolutions plan to get us to procreate and then to stay with the young long enough to ensure their survival. Then those hormones and chemicals subside. Relationship, long term R, maybe involves needs and meeting those needs. A strong need in humans is for intimacy. If the R goes the right direction, and if the people involved are lucky, they achieve a high level of intimacy. This satisfies our human need.

But most people, including myself, believe that love is something special and different. That either you feel it or you don't. That it can't be manufactured.

OK, I'm totally confused and am going to go back to my lab and do some further research. I don't know what I'm talking about.

Back to you, JBF,
I think your W is an MLCer, and she's going on a wild ride. I hope you can detach enough so that she doesn't take you on all the downs and ups (the ups can be scary too). I still see and hear a lot of strength in you, despite the occasional panic. Maybe we need to develope skills to cope with those panic episodes. Meditation is good. I've a voodoo doll I used to use. I've beaten the inside of my car until my arm and fists hurt. What do you do? I've got a small set of weights that my son and I use. Physical excersise definately helps. Writing here helps too.

I think know a good qoute from Churchill and the early years of the war would be appropriate. I'll try to google some . THis is all I could find quickly.
It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time.
Sir Winston Churchill
It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required.
Sir Winston Churchill