1. Spouses that leave a M, once gone should not be allowed to return for 6 months if they had discussed issues before hand for some time and nothing was resolved. Allowing a departing spouse to return in a week or two lets the WAS spouse think leaving and coming back are no big deal.
It's definitely the time to get new ground rules set up.
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2.For couples that have sex before M, the H needs to apologize to his W and ask for her forgiveness.
I bet this is based on the assumption that good girls don't "put out" without pressure and that premarital sexual activity is always instigated by men. Bad assumption.
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3. Men don't like counseling but will be more open to training or "Practice" sessions.
From my reading, women are just as likely to resist counselling as are men. Off the top of my head, I think resistance breaks down into two categories. Those spouses who don't want to be told what to do by others and those spouses who don't want strangers knowing their "business".
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4. 50% of M people in the general population divorce. Almost as many couples that attend church/religious services divorce at a similar rate. Couples that verbally pray together and for each daily, have a divorce rate of 1 in 1200. (doing it on the phone count)
It makes sense that it would be a bit more difficult to betray someone that you are lifting up to God in prayer daily. I think churches fail miserably when it comes to teaching about sex/marriage. It's hard to get around the strains of Puritanism that still permeate.
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5. Treat your spouse with kindness, love and respect for 24 months before leaving or giving up. Don’t expect much of a pay-off for the things you do. You are supposed to do them out of duty, respect, and kindness. It is what you signed up for when you got M’ed. Physical abuse, severe chemical dependency and adultery, are leave now topics.
I think of it as earning your way out of a marriage. Doing the right thing regardless of your spouse's behaviors/actions can really put a laser light on the spouse's issues giving the couple a better opportunity of actually dealing with the marital issues.
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6. The most common reasons for M problem he sees has some basis in PMS, that is "passive male syndrome" or guys that want to be nice, avoid conflict, and have over bought into some of the feminist men and women are equal or the same.
I subscribe to the idea that men and women are equal but they are also different. I also think that there has been a feminization of the culture - 911 actually impacted that some as we watched men being men and realized that it was something to be admired. I think just about every HD woman here has expressed the desire for their husbands to "top their top" sexually. I don't think that's the only relational area that women want their men to be leaders.
