Discussion on MrsCAC4 thread - Making assumptions

[LustForLife]

Nop
You just don't stop. That's where you are at fault. No matter what people say to you, you seem to have an explanation, an answer, a justification, etc. People like you are impossible to treat because they are always right. Notice how MrsNop has adjusted to Your schedule, isn't it sex every day in your house? That is not realistic for most people on this board. Not that you are pushing that but it's interesting that it is the arrangement in your home. You get your way.
About your comments to me.

I was not aware that you are a therapist. I do hope that you are getting some good therapy, especially if you are practicing. If I were a client, I would find your posted behaviors quite disturbing. I intend no disrespect.

How do you make a comment like that and intend no disrespect. Of course you do or you wouldn't have said it. Fine. Therapists are not little robotic people with all the answers and/or the moral fortitude that you seem to think you have.
I came to this board at my lowest in life. My H had left me, I made bad choices not long after, I struggled with doing the best, most healthy things for me and my family, but I AM doing them. Why is that "disturbing"? I've lived through many issues that people struggle with everyday. I can either use that to learn and grow or not. I choose to continue posting on this board NOT to spread an "I'm right you are wrong" attitude but to share my experiences and learn from others. It has been been helpful at times and not at others. The whole situation with Chrome was an area where I got in over my head. I recognize it and that is for ME to figure out. I don't need you or anyone else to rehash how Wrong it was. I'm not stupid.
And this

I think you fear your husband coming here, finding out about you and your liaisons, then snooping on you.

Wrong assumption again Nop. Thanks for being the Morality Police as usual but my H is fully aware of this board and like Many other spouses, chooses not to participate. And guess what, I know you will be disappointed that you don't have this in your back pocket anymore, but he knows all about Chrome too. (Sorry Chrome, just had to get this out). He found some emails and obviously we had a long discussion about it. Interestingly enough, that was a good turning point for us and we have been making steady progress ever since.
Anything else you want to assume about me and judge me on? Feel free. I can take it.

[tryingtoholdon]

LFL,

I wasn't aware you had an emotional affair with Chrome. I guess that is before I came to the board. But I also find that disturbing. You left after that so why come back now and start spewing your anger at people here. Maybe you are so angry towards Nop because you know he very much dislikes affairs.

People are very intelligent here and can realize that advice is just that advice. They can follow or not. People here are not like robots. I appreciate the fact that people are willing to give advice. Sometimes it helps to get a different take on things.

So if you are against advice being given why are you here? Maybe to let your presence be known to someone else still participating on the board?

[chromosphere]

And guess what, I know you will be disappointed that you don't have this in your back pocket anymore, but he knows all about Chrome too. (Sorry Chrome, just had to get this out).

I hope he knows how deeply sorry I am for the mistakes I made. I don't expect him to forgive me, but I hope he does realize I did nothing with any malice in my heart toward him or your family. I am glad you were able to work it out, and I have the best hopes for your marriage and your family. And that is all I will presume to say on this matter.

Chrome

[LustForLife]

Who are you?
And why do you feel the need to comment at all?
I hardly think I was "spewing" anger.
Of course it is upsetting to me what Nop said. I'm only human you know.

And I am not against giving advice. I give advice here and there. If you read anything I said I repeated several times that I think the STYLE of the communication/advice is very important.
So you disagree. Fine.

[tryingtoholdon]

I guess I am not allowed to comment because I am new. You ARE spewing anger just look at your last post with these words....

And why do you feel the need to comment at all?


Because it is a PUBLIC forum! Also because I to am against affairs.

[Cobra]

LFL,

It’s hard for me to see how you are not spewing anger. You had that anger before you left the board, and in this latest post, it seems it is even stronger. As a licensed therapist, I won’t hold you to any higher standards than any one else here. But I see no reason to hold you to anything less either.

With your training and knowledge, you knew all too well the consequences of engaging in an EA with Chrome. Chrome did not, or at least did not fully understand the ramifications of what he was doing, IMO. I think he has a clear understanding of that now. With this knowledge, I have confidence he will NEVER cross that line again. What was different about you?

[chromosphere]

I am truly sorry that the damage my earlier unwise and selfish actions caused is now rearing its ugly head again and generating such rancor. I am pleading that we let this angry discussion end and get back to helping each other.

Please, please, please

Chrome

[LustForLife]

It has nothing to do with you being new.
It has a lot to do with you not knowing me and feeling free to judge me.
Now who sounds angry?

[tryingtoholdon]

I am not angry. Just someone who is very against affairs knowing the pain of one whether it being emotional or physical. You being called out on the carpet for one seems to have provoked anger in you. For you to come on a public message board one where you know people give advice and support and act like advice shouldn't be given is crazy to me.

Also to leave knowing your presence here wouldn't be good knowing what happened then to come back is odd to me.

[fearless]

Thanks Chrome.

EVERYONE: As this thread's originator I would like to end this argument here. If we wish to discuss the issue at hand, fine but only if the baiting and name calling stops. Otherwise please start your own thread. I am going to write MY viewpoint of this interaction and I would only ask that everyone read it with an open mind and CONSIDER it. You do not need to accept it as truth but please think about the possibility.

LFL's original post in my opinion was NOT meant as an insult. If she intended it to be, she would have brought up names. I saw it as a direct response to MY comment that some people did like know-it-all's due to their own issues while she and I did not care for them. Her post was a concern that some people take what is said as absolute and do not add their own filters. This is NOT the fault of the advice giver no matter how forceful their opinions are. It is the duty of the advice taker to filter advice but remember some people here are very vulnerable and are so desperate for solutions they begin to lose that filter even if they have had it in the past. And I say this from the experience of having that desperate feeling. I was lucky to not lose my filter but I can absolutely see how easy it is to lose.

And about the Emotional Affair, as someone who's marriage ended up ruined because of my xH's almost addiction to EAs, many times this does not happen purposely or consciously. That does not excuse it and it still must be acknowledged and ended. But just like in the relationship there is no excuse for throwing a mistake back in people's faces. It was a mistake that has obviously been faced, acknowledged, and ended.

Furthermore from my POV NOP took the first shot here. Here is the beginning of this whole "argument":

Hi, LFL.

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------
That is why I cringe sometimes when I see people trying to follow someone's advice off of this baord as if it is going to be the Holy Grail of solutions.
--------------------------------------------------

Names?

What are your fears?

-NOPkins-

Before LFL even replied to his post, I had a feeling she might react emotionally just like i feel she was being baited to react. NOP in my opinion was doing this to discredit her POV. He may have guessed she would react emotionally which would give him more to work with in order to discredit her POV. This is NO EXCUSE that she reacted in such an emotional manner because she did have a choice. She could have ignored it or mitigated it but at the same time to be clear she did not initiate this argument in my opinion. They were BOTH equal participants to this exchange, IMHO.

And for the record, LFL does endorse NOP's opinions occasionally at least so she hardly discounts him and his opinions.

I am going to write further on a post about the original subject of know-it-alls. My definition of it, what I feel about it and how I deal with them.