Discussion on MrsCAC4 thread - Making assumptions

[fearless]

That is why I cringe sometimes when I see people trying to follow someone's advice off of this board as if it is going to be the Holy Grail of solutions.

I reluctantly insert myself into this exchange. FWIW while I have not been on this forum long, I did guess that NOP could have been at least one of the "someone's advice". My interpretation (despite LFL recent post which was a response to a more personal jab from NOP) was that it was not really about about a particular person but was rather about the READER being careful to not necessarily take advice verbatim from someone without some extra caution to ensure that it fits their situation. So in her case she may feel at times that other people follow NOPkins advice without enough caution but that does not mean that others shouldn't follow your advice just that they make sure it FITS.

So the reason she did not mention names was actually useful because although she may feel that way about certain people personally she was actually doing the outside reader a favor but not passing judgment against particular advice but warning to always make sure they feel it will work for them. For me there are 2 distinct issues that I see 1) Is the advice right for the situation and 2) Am I in a place where I can follow it as given? This is NOT about excuses but about really understanding where a person is emotionally. The advice could be right but if the person is overwhelmed, extremely mentally fatigued, etc. they may not be able to do justice to the advice.

As far as good therapists speaking directly into lives, I have been lucky enough to see 2 very good therapists over the past 2 years and while both were intuitive and at times were on the mark, they have been off the mark also. And both have accepted when I or my xH (well he was only with one) told them that their intuition was off and did not fit us or the situation. So I suppose that says something about them and about us. While they intuited, we must have been honest enough that they would believe us when we disagreed with them. Of course NOP would probably be disappointed in the marriage counselor who did not see my H's affair although I felt validated that he didn't see it anymore that I did.

NOPkins

All affair behavior could be written in a single 600 page textbook. Affairs are cookie cutter.

I agree about the length of the book but I am not sure about the cookie cutter statement. Have you read Pittman's descriptions of different types of affairs? I ask this because my xH's fit completely into the "Romantic" affair (which is not at all romantic but you would need to read his description). His affair did not seem to fit the stereotype affair especially because we had a good marriage (not PERFECT) going into the affair