Its over...she filed part 2

[S_O_T_S]

Hi SR. Sorry I haven't been by to see what's up for a while, but I got distracted by the events of the Boston gathering.

I wanted to address various bits and pieces of things you've written over the last few posts:

She's always gone from one relationship to another without really being on her own and wouldn't surprise me to know she's already got someone. I mean you gotta have either really close buddies or someone else to be able to get up and leave like this. I know I couldn't do it on my own unless I was hipnotized.

Well, experience and surveying the situations of others here... This is almost certainly true. Uncanny in that my W also is never out of a relationship for very long. Guess that points to some neediness on her part?

In any event, the way I look at it is, and maybe it's different for others, the real decision is, is she coming back or not. If no, then does it exactly matter why?

That said, I know in my case, having a clear picture (as clear as possible anyway, when you know you'll never get the truth out of the WAS) of what happened would be helpful for me in moving on.

The flipside of this, of course, is that knowing the real truth might be even more painful and more of a setback in the healing process. It's a little bit of a minefield to navigate, that's for sure.

In any case, my lawyer emailed me a little bit ago saying he's got the paperwork...so this is permenant.

While I think most here would say the door could always be open a little, the key is that you have to live your life as if what you wrote here is true. Time to start living life for you. As you wrote later on on this thread, perhaps someday she'll see the error of her ways. And maybe you'll have moved on and no longer want her...

I need your guys help to move on, I really don't want to keep any hopes for her return. If/when she does I hope I've long moved on...

Bingo. The biggest thing I see in 'moving on' is to stay active, and start being social again. People kept telling me that, and I kept avoiding it. And when the Boston gathering happened I was terrifed. But I went out, had a blast, and have essentially been on cloud 12 since.

I'm not getting angry for whatever reason. I only have good/fun thoughts to remember from the past.


Seeing this from you makes me a little nervous, although I know exactly what you mean here. I have been the exact same way for the past 7 months. Looking back over my shoulder at what was. Remembering the good. Not getting mad.

Now, looking back I realize two things:

1) Can't live in the past, can't worry about the future (too much). Live for now and live in the moment.

2) Not getting mad is actually bad. Not to be a bloody psychiatrist here, but getting mad is a reaction to having an injustice done. And what bigger injustice than what your W did. In readig about this, people who don't get mad are sometimes the ones who snap. It's like a pressure cooker. Let off the steam a little at a time and it's OK. Keep it in and let it build? Probably not good.

I'd like to believe there's something much better on it's way but I feel like I'll never meet or find anyone again.

Yeah right...like all the fancy CA babes are just waiting to hook up with a guy who's recently divorced and has a kid LOL.

I'm sure I'll meet someone somewhere somehow at some point...right now though with my schedule and the routine life I have 0 opportunities to meet anyone.

In the future, it will be better than it is now. And it's normal to feel you'll not find someone again, "who'd ever want a divorced guy w/ kids...." While those thoughts are normal, most everyone will find someone eventually.

Hope this helps,

Take care,